“A woman should be a good housewife and mother, and not compete with men for territory.” A poster displayed at the Marriage Registration Office in Xicheng District, Beijing, has sparked widespread controversy, and this issue has also been discussed on Zhihu.

Having worked as a “marriage and family mediator,” I’d like to share my personal views.

1. Hanging such a poster is definitely inappropriate. Publicly displaying such a statement is clearly politically incorrect, but it doesn’t prevent it from being conveyed in individual cases.
2. I previously made a mistake in a few comments. Divorce mediation is a mandatory procedure in our court, but it doesn’t seem to be a required step at the marriage registration office. According to regulations like the People’s Mediation Law, mediation at the marriage registration office must be initiated by one of the parties. If both parties agree to divorce and all materials are complete, the divorce certificate can be issued immediately.
3. In reality (cases that enter the judicial process), most situations we encounter involve one party unwilling to divorce or significant disputes over property division, debt allocation, or child custody. Cases where both parties quickly reach an agreement and divorce are relatively rare, though they might be more common at the marriage registration office due to its convenience.
4. Court mediation is mandatory, as stipulated by the Civil Procedure Law. However, mandatory mediation doesn’t mean forcing reconciliation but rather helping the parties reach a consensus—either by signing a divorce agreement or deciding to reconcile and drop the divorce.
5. One of the key purposes of mandatory mediation is to avoid official rulings. The law is impartial, and if mediation fails, the judge must decide on issues like property division, debt allocation, and child custody. Such decisions are painful for both the judge and the parties involved, as forcibly assigning property or custody carries a high risk of dissatisfaction. Judges prefer to continue mediation efforts rather than make a ruling. Additionally, judges receive incentives for successful mediation (a few dozen yuan per case). A successful mediation where the couple happily signs a divorce agreement or withdraws the case resolves disputes, saves judicial resources, and reduces litigation costs, satisfying all parties involved.
6. Mediation is a process where a mediator coordinates interests between parties. The active (weaker) party is more likely to concede than the passive (stronger) party. From a utilitarian perspective, mediators often start by persuading the active (weaker) party to temporarily accept further compromises to resolve the dispute. This can easily lead to scenarios like the one depicted in the poster, where marriage registration staff, aiming for successful mediation, mechanically impose patriarchal ideas on women to dissuade them from divorcing, or emphasize the woman’s vulnerable position to men, suggesting they offer more benefits to gain consent for divorce.
7. Why is mediation necessary? It’s a mandatory step when one party disagrees with the divorce. Without successful mediation, neither a divorce agreement nor a resolution to the dispute can be reached. Even if the marriage registration office does not mediate, the parties may be forced to file for divorce in court, where mediation is still required under the Civil Procedure Law.
8. Whether looking at the Constitution, Marriage Law, Criminal Law, or the Law on the Protection of Women’s and Children’s Rights, women are clearly granted a higher status. Courts tend to favor protecting women’s interests in rulings. For example, men cannot file for divorce when the woman is pregnant, within one year after childbirth, or within six months after an abortion.
9. Compared to special protections for women, courts in divorce cases often prioritize the custody of minor children. If the couple cannot reach a divorce agreement, the court will focus on child custody, arranging property and debt division in a way that benefits the child’s development. In the current social context, many women are less economically independent than men. If the man has no significant legal violations and has a clear advantage in custody, the woman may end up losing both custody and financial support.
10. This highlights the core issue in marriage and family disputes and the dissatisfaction many have with the poster at the Xicheng District Marriage Registration Office: women, who are often in a weaker economic and social position, are seen as the vulnerable party whether they initiate or accept divorce. Those initiating divorce are expected to give up more rights, while those accepting it are expected to fight for more. The marriage registration office, by reinforcing this vulnerable status, has essentially formalized this underlying message. While this approach is wrong, it reflects reality. Even if many economically independent women reject this view, when it comes to personal interest allocation, courts will still assume they need special protection based on legal principles.
11. It’s worth noting that if a man exhibits violent behavior, commits bigamy, cohabits with a third party, abuses, or abandons the family, the woman can seek compensation. If the man attempts to hide or seize property, the woman can also request a larger share. However, forcing a divorce when one party is unwilling carries significant risks. This year, several judicial aid cases we reported involved orphans (with one parent dead and the other sentenced to death). Such outcomes are what we strive to avoid, hence the old saying: “It’s better to tear down a temple than to break up a marriage.” Unless there are legal grounds (such as violence, abuse, bigamy, cohabitation, abandonment, gambling, drug abuse, or separation), it’s best to avoid this path.