The continuous, melancholic rain has unknowingly drifted into the late spring and early summer. The recent thunderous rainstorms have washed over this gray little town, cleansing my weariness and dispelling the inexplicable sadness that often visited in April. Is it that people always feel happier when they are close to happiness, but become anxious when they are in the midst of it?

In April, I went back home, spending two days in Changsha and a day and a half in Shuangfeng. Most of the time was actually spent on transportation. I met up with my dear Miss D, whom I hadn’t seen for over three months, and then summoned my long-lost younger sister XH from another corner of Changsha city. Finally, the three of us had a happy, simple meal together. Speaking of which, the clever and capable younger sister has already started her own business after resigning from her job in Shenzhen. The energy within her small body is truly admirable. Except for the occasional glimpse of a wealthy girl’s demeanor in her coquettish voice, she is usually simple, modest, and generous. She is the kind of little heroine who doesn’t hesitate to “rescue” in critical moments. Miss D is a unique character; it would take three days and nights to talk about her. In short, we all like her.

Passing by the Changsha Evening News, I initially thought of getting off to surprise my best friend, but later decided against it. I have witnessed the hard work of journalists and couldn’t bear to add even a little chaos without permission. As a result, I didn’t even inform him of my return. Hmm, I don’t know if he cursed me in his heart.

Coincidentally, Ah Si was on a business trip in Changsha. With my return, a rare gathering was realized. Ah San, Ah Si, and I, along with the super cute niece YU Zi, had a meal at our second sister’s house. The two big boys facing the high school entrance exam gave me enough face, cooperating with their often bullied and scorned aunt to take a few group photos. They are growing up day by day, becoming handsome young men, like bamboo shoots emerging from the soil in the spring of our hometown. When you suddenly find the sturdy bamboo standing in front of you, you can only sigh at how quickly time passes, silent and elusive.

Returning to Shuangfeng at noon, the eldest was still extremely busy, so I picked up YH from her dance class. The things I bought for my parents were delivered to the TV University, allowing me to catch a glimpse of the eldest, who was preparing to go to class for his students, from a distance of two hundred meters. Carrying the things and holding YH’s hand, we hurried to the West Station to catch a bus. The 5-year-old YH is very considerate, but her dirty clothes and mischievous little hands evoke a sense of pity. Yet, she doesn’t care at all and even stops me from buying her new clothes. The eldest doesn’t have time to nag her or pay attention to these details. Presumably, his daily reading habit will have a more profound impact on her. On the bus, I “chatted” with this little adult about her stories in kindergarten. As the class monitor, she is quite authoritative and a typical doer. I remember when she was younger, I spent a week with her. In the middle of winter, she would never linger in bed when it was time to go to kindergarten. Once awakened, she would quickly get up and put on her socks herself. With a little help from me, we could manage, and then we would brush our teeth and wash our faces together. Haha, it’s said that she used to behave differently in front of the eldest, described in local dialect as “jiu mao.” I wonder if she has changed as she’s grown older?

It had been raining all day, bringing a chill. Fortunately, I brought an umbrella. The buses all stop in the town. I went straight to “Natural Hall” to pick up skincare products from Sister J, waiting for the heavy rain to stop while calling my mom not to worry, as I would be home soon.

The weather was uncooperative, and by the time I returned to the countryside, it was already three or four in the afternoon. My parents had been eagerly waiting. I decided that even if I’m directionally challenged, I must learn to drive! Otherwise, it’s almost impossible to move at critical times.

I felt that my parents had aged again, in that unstoppable trend.

Taking care of my father alone is indeed a challenging task for my mother. She also has countless other worries. She worries about the eldest being too busy to take care of his health, about the second sister’s shop’s business, about the third sister’s child being well-behaved, about the fourth sister in Beijing not having anything tasty to eat, and perhaps most of all, she worries about me? She thinks it’s better for me to marry later since my studies and career are not yet settled. When she talks to us on the phone, she repeatedly reminds me and my fiancé to use contraception. If we conceive a child, we must not abort it. I am genuinely grateful for my mother’s nagging and reminders. I never expected that my mother, who didn’t receive formal education, would have such insights into life’s important matters. Once, I desperately tried to escape the constraints of my family, but now I have finally gained their protection and support.

Time waits for no one. The wrinkles on my mother’s face increase day by day, like a newly plowed field, full of furrows. Her hair is starting to turn white in patches. The old problem with her lumbar spine has always been a shadow. Fortunately, my mother inherited her maternal grandmother’s genes, with no tendency for other hereditary diseases. She has always been of medium build and slim, and as she ages, her heart and blood pressure are not burdens.

My father is still the optimistic and resilient father. But he is truly getting older, and falling ill twice has drained a lot of his energy. His blood pressure is not very stable, and occasionally he still has his old mischievous temper. At home, besides watching the news, listening to Peking Opera, writing with his left hand, and going out for walks, he doesn’t have many other activities. I particularly hope that elderly people of similar age often come to our house to sit and chat with my father, reminiscing about old times. Unfortunately, I heard that several of my father’s old friends have passed away due to illness in recent years, even the old uncle who raised a flock of ducks, whom we sisters all knew, has fallen ill. I began to feel a sense of sorrow.

Perhaps I am overly anxious, but whenever I think of my father sitting alone in his recliner dozing off when bored, a myriad of emotions surge in my heart. Every time he talks to me on the phone, he always asks: “When are you coming back?” And I repeat the time of my next visit over the phone. My father then laughs childishly and happily on the other end.

This time when I returned, I bought many daily necessities for my father. He opened them one by one, tried them on, and was particularly satisfied with the two seasonal hats I bought this time, with a somewhat unusual look in his eyes. I’m not entirely sure of my father’s mood—whether it’s contentment, emotion, or a bit of frustration at needing care in return… At such times, I would never let my father see my tears. I took the opportunity to squat down and help as he prepared to try on new shoes, and my momentary sadness followed me down, falling to the ground. When I stood up, I returned to my playful self. I would deliberately tilt my father’s hat and prepare to take a photo with him. When he noticed, he laughed and made a “LI ZUO ZI” gesture with his right hand, pretending to knock on my head.

At night, I washed my father’s feet and trimmed his toenails. YH stood by the side, occasionally ready to lend a helping hand. It’s not hard to imagine that when the eldest and the second sister need her in the future, she will also be their贴心的小棉袄 (a term of endearment for a caring daughter). I recalled a half-understood term from elementary school, “言传身教” (teaching by words and example), and now I can perceive it a bit more. At night, even though I didn’t draw the curtains, because it had just rained, there was no moonlight to be seen. Lying in my bed at home, my head was still dizzy, but my heart was at ease. At least, I knew that my parents were well. Their presence here is my greatest encouragement and motivation.

Due to the rush of time, after having a few bites of the egg noodles my mother made and a few words of advice from my father, it was time to set off again. Holding YH’s hand, I got into a neighbor’s car, calculating that we couldn’t let her be late for her dance class. Thank heavens, we arrived a full five minutes early, and the school hadn’t opened yet. Many parents and little girls were standing outside the fence. YH greeted her classmates by lightly patting them and then started playing. It seems she is indeed a lively and active child at school, in stark contrast to her quietness in unfamiliar environments. This is a good character trait, as being quiet allows for better observation of the environment and is a form of self-protection, a wisdom that girls should have when they grow up and are out in the world. (To be continued…)

-by Jessie