The Flight I Desire, Not Borrowed Wings

Memories May Pan (1989-2012)

Part One:

The flight I desire, not borrowed wings [*Repeated over 50 times]

**At first, I desperately wanted to get into university; then, I couldn’t wait to graduate and start working; next, I longed to get married and have children; after that, I wished for my children to grow up quickly so I could return to work; later, I yearned to retire; now, I am truly nearing the end… Suddenly, I realize, I have forgotten to truly live. **
In this world, there are always many people who make others happy because many understand love, while those who make others dislike them are few and not worth mentioning, so over time, only happy people remain. Don’t punish your present self for past mistakes. It’s a fresh start.
At this moment, I suddenly realize I’ve lost the essence of “youth.” At this stage of life, everything is just beginning. Indeed, there are many things we can’t let go of, and perhaps we never will, so we can’t stand still; we must move forward… Youth, fortunately, I still have it. Remember, in the future, we can’t say “fortunately” anymore. So, passionate youths, chase after youth!!
If it must take, just take mine. No matter how hard the situation is, we must exert ourselves to defeat it and support you and help you and love you and smile with you and miss you and stand beside you. I believe you can and my voice has been heard. W.L.Y.
D Y k? It’s you who let me understand what perseverance is and what a calm heart is in the face of challenges, even the greatest enemy, which is myself these days. I need nothing but you! Instead, I’d like to suffer all the pain. And I want to embrace the sunshine with you and you……
Because of you, I surmount all the cold black nights alone; because of you, I forget the dissatisfaction and sadness in daily life; because of you, I stick to my ultimate goal and keep persistent on the way; and because of you, I learn to smile at all the adversity I am confronted with.
I commit myself to strive forward with my tremendously strong will alongside you no matter what we are confronted with. Meanwhile, I’m convinced that we can surmount the adversity together and embrace closely the happiness ultimately.
Be more tolerant, freeing up more space and freedom for the soul; don’t lose principles and beliefs over trivial matters, losing the most authentic self; continue to maintain a kind heart, eager to discover sunshine, and hold onto the beauty around; don’t fuss, nor need to fuss, because there are still too many things worth focusing on.
If you are troubled by your own affairs, you are fortunate. If you are facing your difficulties, don’t easily say “I can’t,” because in this world, there is only one situation where you can say that, or you don’t have the qualification to say I can’t!

OH! MY GOD!!! What on earth happened? So sudden, so fast, so inexplicable, so… Don’t be like this!!

I really wanted to communicate with someone I admire before graduating from university. Besides good friends and confidants, I also wanted this, so my university life would be flawless. Unfortunately, I kept missing the chance~~~ Wuwu~~~~(>_<)~~~~ Friends, I’m graduating!!! Time for graduation photos!!!
Although our economy is developing rapidly and everyone has a car, facing traffic jams, you still have to wait! Wait! Wait! Traffic jams are so annoying.
To @lucky小青: Stubborn!!! I think, by the time you read this, it will be long after!! You fool!
You are always in my heart, just like in life. M you forever.
No matter how hard the situation is, we must exert ourselves to defeat and surmount it, and stand alongside you, smile with you, and love you and ……
I have been going to tell my friends, including those on QQ, loudly that I am back and I am really back before. But now it may only be a word of thanks.

I am not greedy, just want a bit of peace.

Suddenly realized I took too few photos with my classmates, I am so sad!!! So regretful!!! I want to make up for it!!

Only with ability can you protect what’s most important [*Repeated over 50 times]

I need more time……

The last sports meet of my life, we all went crazy, we all won.
My voice is laughing, tears are falling, the world is so big……[*Repeated]

Use your heart and voice to touch every soul, use your heart to listen to every corner’s voice… [*Repeated over 50 times]

Hold on till the end, no matter what, laugh till the end… I will bear it all… [*Repeated]

In another place, in another time~ I have always been waiting behind you, waiting for the day you turn around and see me. My smile is for you, hoping you are happy [*Repeated]

Some say, when you miss someone in your free time, it’s your precious memory~~~
Happy, regretless end~·

Start anew, your support, I will remember……

Part Two:

Chen Huiling: The world seems illusory, yet you chose to leave in the most beautiful time… Law07… Rest in peace! (Those who love us deeply hurt us the most)
Ou Zhaobin: I won’t believe it until I see it with my own eyes.
Huang Xiaoqing: This can’t be true… please tell me it’s not the truth… who can…… may may, I miss you so so so much……
Yan Yongchang: I really hope it’s not true~~
Yang Wanfeng: Can someone tell me it’s not true?! I can’t accept it! Could this be the last thank you? M, don’t go… Deeply mourning…
Yang Wanfeng reposted: Learn to cherish, because in this city, maybe a turn is a farewell. Love bravely, express bravely. Don’t let yourself regret…
Xiong Ju: Woke up to this terrible news… Tears couldn’t stop… Fatty, rest in peace…
Yan Yan: So sudden, I’m completely stunned… If only it were a joke… Dear, no matter where you are, I always loved your smile…
Chen Jiabiao: Completely unacceptable, mourning, my good friend, rest in peace.
Zheng Rong: Endless tears, unspeakable sorrow, endless longing, may the Guanyin on Xiqiao Mountain bless you, resting beneath the mountain.
Wang Weichang: I didn’t know what was happening, but shortly after I got up, I received several messages like this, my mood plummeted into an abyss, at this moment I can’t believe it’s true,…… Your gentleness and smile will always live in our hearts, rest in peace!
Luobotou reposted: We are all your eyes, letting you see the world before you! We will always love you, miss you, forever. God bless you！
Yu’er b: I miss you so much, mei.
Zeng Lingqiao: A MAY, sorry, I can’t come to Foshan to see you, really sorry! Sorry for not cherishing the time with you at university, you were so good, so understanding, so… We will all remember your bright smile!
Feng Yongsheng: Rest in peace! A MAY, thank you for your companionship!
He Yongchai: Give us some time, to send her off better, we silently bless, she understands.
Yang Wanfeng: You in the distance… next life, we still love you… remember to walk well… we are lighting a lamp for you…
Xuan Mingkun: Unacceptable reality~~~ Your voice and face are still before my eyes……
Chen Tingting: The impermanence of life~ Now I truly hope that everyone I know, I can still see them.
Chen Tingting: Facing such cruel facts, all words seem so pale, what else can be said? Suddenly I blame myself for not keeping in touch more, the last time we met was on graduation day, all memories stop there, can only pray, rest in peace, if there is a next life, I hope to be your classmate again.
Liu Jialing: Meimei, you are always here, our Law Class 07 will never be without you, where we are, you are there.
Lao Mingqing: Hope you find in heaven the fairness not found in the mortal world. May ~~ Have a safe trip on the road to paradise.
Wu Yuting: Suddenly remembered you teaching me to write your name on the track in elementary school, in university you told me to be careful on the bus! Miss you! May you rest in peace, praying for you!!!
He Yongchai: Always searching for traces of your existence, seeing your last signature, you are my eyes… You are greedy, think how many should be your eyes, but I am willing.
Wang Weichang: Remember at North Campus you often came to the dorm to persuade Brother Kun not to play so many games, persuade Brother Chun not to smoke so much, heard from Anzi it’s hard to face your gentleness. Cooking for us at Changlu, at the main campus when I took over as class monitor and knew nothing, you helped me a lot, regret not joining the graduation trip, I know you always brought surprises and a sense of security. Tonight, insomnia because of you.
Gou Lin: Seeing you off from thousands of miles away, rest in peace…..
Liu Jialing: May~ Tonight, insomnia because of you~ endless longing~
Xiong Ju: Woke up, wishing everything from yesterday was a dream…
Xiaomai: Terrible news~! May, always remember your lovely smile~~ rest in peace~~
Yang Wanfeng: You are my eyes, letting me see through the impermanence of the world, only cherishing, only striving can fill the void in the soul, the paleness of words, what can I do for you??
Wang Sihui: Last time I saw you 20120108, 20120314 10:09:13 last text message you said, everything feels like a dream, so sudden, I don’t want to wake up, but woke up…
Wang Weichang: Every night at this hour, my heart feels like it’s being cut by a knife, heaven, why are you so cruel???
Wang Sihui: Little cow thinking of little fat bird, little cow taking little fat bird towards the sun.
Luobotou: And those dreams we had, songs we sang, people we loved, those things we naively thought would never end, remain in the long years, unable to continue.
hua-Huahua: Cousin… Sorry, I miss you so much…. Don’t go, okay..
Wang Sihui: I love you, really. I know what you suffer, so, I know, I really know. I always remember the period we went through together when we knew the most important person in our life got into trouble. I know the pain. No matter what situation we meet, we always go through it. Everyone loves you, hopes you keep your smile, and earn a happy life. Tomorrow is another day! We all love you !!
Cheng Qianfan: Just saw it, stinky fatty, stinky fatty, I called you stinky fatty again, you must have called me back stinky ghost as usual….
Cui Zhaoxi: MEIMEI ~ How come you disappeared after posting today~ We all can’t bear to part with you~
xīǎo＆Qingqing: Meimei, I really want to hear you laugh and call me little Qingqing again. I saw you waiting for the bus on the 6th, saw your post the day before yesterday, why why so sudden…….I miss u, a lot….
Shenlan: We had agreed to find a time to go karaoke together… Why did you stand me up…
lemonkiss: I’m lucy!!! Call me again! Meimei!
Cat Lady℡: Dear, what should we do when we miss you., why are you so cruel?
Cat Lady℡: Whenever I think of you, I always feel you are by my side, your voice so gentle, soothing my wounds, only you understand my feelings, not letting me walk alone, in the sea of people, having you as a friend, I ask for nothing more.
Tears of Water: MEIMEI~ Can you reply to my blank text again?
←A.I.N.Y→: MM, March is really not a good month, always so sad, listening to sad songs, reading sad words, hearing sad things, in my heart I always remember the time we laughed together in high school, no matter where you go, I hope you are happy. PS; But I still can’t believe this is real, is today April Fool’s Day?
Luo Shaozhen: Didn’t you say you were still on Mars?? Didn’t you say you would come back to Earth to find me?? Now?? Are you on Mars or Earth?? When will you come find me??、
Que Qiaoling: may, how much regret and reluctance you left us with here…
He Yongchai: 2012-3-14 2:39, girl still not resting, leaving this last text, I don’t understand English, can someone translate it for me?
Shenlan i: MAY’s words are always so beautiful, so sad, but didn’t let us read more, even just one line! MAY, remember to bring your smile wherever you go…Here are the translations of the messages:

あ電車澎が: May you become a beautiful angel. I hope you remain a child who loves to smile wherever you are. We will always be friends. Blessings.
.ɑ眼淚;℡: Meimei… take care on your journey…
杨婉锋: I want to know, I want to know, what can I do?!?!
漂流瓶: Ah May, I still remember, when I graduated, you said you wanted me to treat you all to a Hunan-style pot chicken at a restaurant. I promised you that once I had a stable job and earned a salary, I would come back and treat you. Now I’m stable, and I feel it’s time to fulfill my promise. Are you doing well over there? Don’t forget, I still owe you that pot chicken.
童话皇国: Silly girl, you’re so silly. You forgot the promise we made as the “Four Great Queens” to always be together. So promise me, you’ll be happy and joyful in heaven. We will always, always remember you! Take care on your journey!
阙巧玲: I can’t believe this is real. Miss you!
Kiss De Rain: I’m telling you, you still have us. Can you hear me?
程倩璠: You promised me you’d take good care of your mom. You said you’d start working. You were supposed to wait for me at home so we could hug… You big dummy.
Kiss De Rain: How could you close your eyes so easily! Was it so hard to ask me for help? Now I feel like I can’t do anything to help, and I’m even making things worse. I’m so sorry!
广州: Looking up at heaven, hoping to see you smiling.
顺德: May you continue to pursue your dreams in the other side of heaven.
佛山: I remember the first time I saw you at school, you were such a cheerful and optimistic girl. Your smile was always the brightest sun in our hometown!
广东: No words can express how we feel right now. It’s more than sadness, more than tragedy.
佛山: Junior, I hope you live a better life in the other world. Sending you all my blessings.
佛山: Praying that you live a happy and joyful life in heaven.
广州: Gentle and always smiling, such a beautiful you. May you continue to be as happy as ever. We all cherish you.
段文芳: Deeply mourning.
balient.su: I can’t believe this. I hope she rests in peace…
王思惠: It was my fortune to have known you.
阙巧玲: For everyone, Ah Mei lives in our hearts, in a very warm place.
青樓居士: Today, hearing the tragic news about this senior, my heart feels so heavy. May she rest in peace.
杨婉锋: I really want to ask, why? Why do good people leave so soon? Is there another plan? I can’t believe it, I don’t want to believe it…
颜琰: Yes, Ah Bee, be good. Let’s not cry anymore… Tell all our friends who drive to slow down, to drive even slower. The loss of every life is too heartbreaking…
军长: I remember Senior Zhixiang introducing this senior to us. I remember her smile that was always on her face. There are no cars in heaven, I hope senior is at peace there…
吴玉婷: I will always remember her smile, her strength!!! Forever and ever.
黄奕璇: When I heard the news, my mind went blank. I never thought such a lively and cheerful girl would suddenly disappear from my world… I miss her so, so much.
寒叶惜泪: Although we were in different majors, we got along really well. We even took a photo together during graduation. Everything feels like it just happened yesterday, but now it’s a farewell… My heart feels so heavy.
M-R-Yan: Senior May, I remember meeting her when I was a freshman and she was a junior… It was during the Starry Night Journey at the start of school… She told me we were from the same hometown… Everything still feels so familiar, so close… Why?
萝卜頭: God bless you!
黄小青: March 11, 2012, the last time we met, you leaned on me to rest. When we parted, you told me to be safe. I said okay. I’ll never forget that moment with you…
独上高楼: I still remember the breakfast you bought for me, your bright and sweet smile. How could you leave like this?
熊炬: Suddenly, I miss every one of you from university. Life is so fragile. Let’s pray for her together, that she may find peace in the other world.
颜琰: At this moment, all words feel so powerless. All we can do is cherish the present, cherish everyone around us. Really…
郑敏华: How could this happen? I can’t believe it…
简单: Life is so fragile…
曾玲巧: She was such a good girl. I regret not cherishing the time we had together more.
排骨蒸五花腩: Law family sticks together…! Whatever happens, let’s all share it with our Law Class 2 siblings. Everyone should do their part…! Such a good girl, but heaven is so selfish, taking those it loves back to its side.
麦笑娟: Jialing, I just read your journal. My first reaction was shock!! I remember the first day I became your class assistant, when I first met Xiaomei. Although I didn’t know her well, I could tell from her words that she was truly a kind, lively, and cheerful girl~~ But now… I can’t accept this cruel reality. Seeing her fresh and lovely photos, my heart aches~~ May she rest in peace, and may angels watch over her in heaven~~~
刘佳玲: Senior, I still remember everything from when you were our class assistant. I remember us throwing discus together, and you cheering us on from the side… This incident came too suddenly. None of us in the class can accept it. We still haven’t recovered. Last night, I couldn’t sleep, thinking about every moment with her. I miss her so much, I really, really miss her.
徐贞: I’ve been feeling down all day, her image keeps appearing in my mind… Walking by the road, seeing the passing cars, I even feel a bit scared… God… How could this happen?
X’s: After hearing about this, I felt so heartbroken. These past few nights, I’ve been thinking about the times we played together in elementary school. It was so much fun! Such a kind-hearted person, taken away by those irresponsible people! I hope she rests in peace!
梁永亮: Lighting a sky lantern for you here. Rest in peace…
李宣炜: Let us carry the smiles etched in our memories as your eyes… Grow with your love… Live more seriously… May you rest in peace in heaven…
陈惠玲: Carry her eyes to see the beauty of the seasons, learn to grow and walk every step of life well~~~
阙巧玲: You’ve left, leaving behind scattered smiles and scattered heartbreaks… Ah Mei, miss you……
黄燕敏: May you rest in peace, miss you MAY.
陆敏仪: It’s so hard to accept. May you rest in peace…
何凯玲: The sky is dark and hazy, those friends we laughed and played with, Don’t go away. I will miss you.
杨婉锋: Any difficulty, any emotion, seems so small in the face of “life and death”… All words feel so powerless… Cherish those around you.
钟淑华: Rest in peace… You were such a good person, but heaven was so cruel…
梁婉冰: I really hope you’re joking~~~~~ I can’t accept this.
杨婉锋: Learn to cherish, because in this city, maybe one turn is a farewell. Love bravely, express bravely. Don’t let yourself regret…
杨婉锋: Can someone tell me this isn’t real?! I can’t accept it? Could this be the last thank you? M, don’t go… Deeply mourning…
程倩璠: You always wanted to bring happiness to everyone around you. But why are you making us all cry now? You big dummy. Come back, come back.
FS義忠仁–Zeno-K—大斐: Although I didn’t know you, I still feel sorry for you. May you rest in peace…
jwluo2012: May, rest in peace!!!
米色的小鲸: Rest in peace. Life is so unpredictable.
Widin: Ah Mei. I’ll always miss you.
Miss夏miss冬: Although I didn’t know you, I still feel sorry for you. May you rest in peace!
seven帝: Senior, rest in peace!!! I’ll always miss you.
GBT-壊人-勿近: Senior! Blessings to you.
甘晓明: Pan Yumei. You are my eyes, Gan Xiaoming.
主持人-祺钧先生: I hope you find a happier life in heaven. I hope all those you love can move on quickly and continue to live strongly. You must want to see that too. (March 17, 01:42)
豬屎_ding: Although I didn’t know you, I still wish you, such a beautiful person, to rest in peace…
德仔1501351265: Heh, junior, you’re so beautiful. I hope you remain as beautiful in heaven! Forgive this senior who didn’t know you well for leaving a message here. Rest in peace.
o尛Ann系我: Rest in peace. Life, we must cherish it dearly.
陈肉婷: Dear junior.
change_欢: I didn’t know you, but I cried too. Rest in peace! Everyone will miss you.
Olivia_0512: Junior, rest in peace… Over here, many will continue to be your eyes…
rikochoi: May… I want to hear you call me Wenjun again…
王伟昌: Come back quickly.
chan斤欠: Our brief encounter… I hope you’re doing well in heaven.
佳壹减贰乘叁除肆: How could this happen so suddenly? We will always remember Senior Yumei’s smile.
PAN小枫: Junior, rest in peace~ Be happy in heaven~ Keep smiling~
yonghao108: May you live well in heaven.
D_KenWong: May you become an angel and protect those who love you. Safe journey.
咕噜3: Rest in peace.
傻吴晓: Senior, rest in peace.
信步听吖育: Blessings for a happy life in the other world.
Loving_Cing: Senior, rest in peace!
Mars_BL_irene蓝雅琳: Life is so fragile. Pan Yumei, rest in peace. May you be happy in heaven and find happiness in the next life.
ice_pudding: I really can’t believe it. Why do good people suffer like this?! My colleague next to me said she was so sad today, unable to accept this fact, and I comforted her. But then, in the afternoon, I saw on Weibo that it was someone I knew too! I can’t accept it, I can’t accept that it’s her, someone we all knew, such a lovely, beautiful, lively, and optimistic you @MAY_PAN. Rest in peace on your journey to heaven.
Lucky小青: You said, “I’ve been doing well lately, hehe. Take care of yourself while working hard. If you’ve lost weight the next time I see you, I’ll hit you!!” I said, “I want you to hit me”… But you never replied to me again… @MAY_PAN.
lreen_mi: After walking in a circle, I returned to the place I just left. The water on the ground had dried halfway. How can this damp weather dry everything? In the blink of an eye, everything changes. Only one star remains lonely. @MAY_PAN, are you watching?
生活在北上广的苦逼孩子: Today, I suddenly realized that from September 2010 until now, I’ve backed up all my text messages using QQ Sync Assistant. MAY, not a single message you sent me is lost! @MAY_PAN.
怡敏Chan: After playing an hour of matching games, my emotions are still suppressed. Suddenly, I feel despair, helplessness, panic, and powerlessness… My heart feels abnormally hot and swollen, as if all my emotions are accumulating like a flood, with the only exit sealed shut. Life is so short. @MAY_PAN’s incident has brutally stripped away the facade of life, showing me the cruelty of existence.
我行K我素: Come back! I still want to argue with you! @MAY_PAN, at most, I won’t make you treat me to a meal! I’ll treat you!
Mr—黎: Turning over the hourglass doesn’t rewrite history. Still, I must force myself to accept reality. @MAY_PAN, you will be there, I will be there.
影月希夷: Looking at your photo, I remember the days when we, as sophomores, went around the freshman dorms during the broadcasting club recruitment. I remember Peixian’s cleverness and cuteness when he first met us. I remember you smiling and saying, “This junior really came downstairs to bring us water. He’s so good at flattering girls.” Those words still echo in my ears. @MAY_PAN, are you really going to sleep forever?……
何泳钗: That’s all for today. Let’s chat in our dreams! I said I would always communicate with you through words. I hope my words can bring you even a little warmth. You must read them carefully and feel comforted. You promised me, @MAY_PAN.
佛大微博表白传情: Today is undoubtedly a day of deep sorrow for our Class 1 of Law 2007. Our dearest @MAY_PAN has left us due to an accident. Her voice and face remain vivid. None of us want to face this painful reality. May you rest in peace and enjoy eternal happiness in heaven. Those of us left behind will unite, cherish every moment on our life’s journey, and strive together for a better future. May your smile forever light our path. We miss you!
kongweihan: Wishing our fellow alumna a peaceful journey!
TMachangV: I wish everything from yesterday was just a cruel joke from heaven!
思婷F: May senior rest in peace. Praying for her…
jayyouyi: Ah May, rest in peace. I will always remember you and will live well!!! Although you’re no longer here, I know you’ve reached another happy realm!
蚁琳: Dear Ah May, rest in peace.
微言凯风: What exactly happened? Can someone tell me? I can’t believe this.
蔬打菜: Even if you’ve graduated, even if work is busy, please take the time to call your university classmates… Don’t let the four years of friendship fade because of separation!
经管涛韬: Expressing our grief, deeply mourning…
Jennifer512: Just want to say, cherish the people around you! Senior, rest in peace!
古韵_婷Cosset_艳婷H: Same year, same college, studied in the same library for grad school. This news is too… Rest in peace.
一只bubble: I hope you find happiness and joy in heaven.
小朋客_此人bu简单: Why, why can’t I accept this…
程倩璠: @MAY_PAN, look, we’re still chatting. We haven’t finished talking. I’m waiting for you to come back.
蚁琳: Why did this world take away such a good person?
May和M记的一些事一些情: The money saved day and night should be enough by Christmas to say, “Grow old with me.” Missing out is too easy, loving too late. I never thought she wouldn’t make it to that day. Blindly working hard, busy, busy, never knowing happiness would slip away, never able to say “I love you” again. Love needs to be said in time, even a second late turns feelings into history.
May和M记的一些事一些情(甘晓明): When we first met, I never thought you’d mean so much to me. Not even you believed it, and neither did I. Even if I can’t hug you with both arms, if this song is the last time I sing to you, if this feeling is the last time I express it to you, the emotions would be even more sincere. Even breathing becomes impossible, like a broken dam that can’t stop. If these eyes…
摆摊–卖回忆: Forever remembering the lively and lovely you @MAY_PAN.
-快乐至上-: I wish you’d respond to me! Okay? Tell me you’re joking, you’re telling a story. This time, I won’t say your jokes are boring! I’ll definitely laugh. Respond to me! @MAY_PAN.
刘家辉: What is life? What is meaningful? In that moment of reflection, a flower silently falls… In my understanding, as long as you’ve brought happiness to others, you’re great. You don’t need to achieve great things… You are the greatest person @MAY_PAN.
杨瑾: @MAY_PAN, rest in peace! I’ll always remember your bright smile. May you find peace in the other world.
微星小超人: Forgive me for forgetting your name @MAY_PAN. Life is unpredictable, heaven is a jerk!!
Boshan-Leung: Seeing the tweets from my juniors, I felt something was off. After asking, I found out what happened. Although we didn’t interact much during university, we did talk. This news is too sudden, I can’t accept it. Such a good person, how could… @MAY_PAN, rest in peace! The other world should be free of troubles.
叶家祺: Gazing with tearful eyes, speechless, wishing you peace in a serene world… @MAY_PAN.
lreen_m: (No translation needed as it’s a username.)i: If I call you, will you reply? @MAY_PAN

May and M’s Stories: Pan Yumei, I love you @MAY_PAN
Jill-moment: Who said they would go on a trip with me!!! Big liar @MAY_PAN, come out and apologize~~
He Yongchai: In this era, we are destined to shoulder great responsibilities. We can only remain calm when hearing any bad news, otherwise it will only get worse. The health and safety of our parents are the greatest wishes of their children. Of course, no matter what happens, we must learn to accept @MAY_PAN
xCherish: Woke up, rubbing my sore eyes, not knowing how long I slept. My mind is filled with the image of you on the balcony calling our full names, telling us we didn’t clean up and to do what we should do… Gone, only then do I know what gone means… When you saw me off at graduation, you said you would come to see me during National Day, but you broke your promise… What should I do? You broke your promise again! @MAY_PAN
Lucky Xiaoqing: Yumei, Dongdong said if he has a daughter, he will name her Yumei, so happy. If it’s a son, the English name will be “man”—may… You have to remember, okay? @MAY_PAN Haha, it seems we can’t be separated.
I Walk My Way: Eason Chan - “Long Time No See” “How I wish to see you again, to see how you’ve changed, no need to talk about the past, just a casual greeting, just to say, long time no see” @MAY_PAN
I Walk My Way: I remember, I said you gained a lot of weight, and you laughed and said I was so mean! But now, as long as you wake up, I won’t say that anymore! Or maybe I want to continue being mean like this! @MAY_PAN
Yingyue Xiyi: From beginning to end, I still feel like this is just a dream. Quickly pinch me awake, and someone will tell me this isn’t real. @MAY_PAN …. Even if Xiaoming tells me not to cry, even if Zhang Wei cries with me on the phone, I still want to hold onto a little bit of hope…
I Walk My Way: I ask myself, not many people understand me, but you @MAY_PAN are one of them! Why did you leave so suddenly! I don’t believe it, I don’t believe it! I know you are still by our side! Give us some response!
Seven Strings-Eight Lines: Senior, I never thought we would never have the chance to gather properly before you left. Heaven has no tears, continue your studies and your love there. @MAY_PAN
I’m BabyCat_Miao: Dear sister @MAY_PAN, can you hear our calls to you?
Mr—Li: Turning the hourglass upside down doesn’t mean we can rewrite history. We still have to pretend to accept reality. @MAY_PAN you will be there, I will be there.
Bingnuo C: The last love I give you is to let go. – I understand, you wouldn’t want to see me like this. So, after organizing all the things about you, I will keep you in my heart. I know you want us to think of you and talk about you with smiles, not tears. So, starting tomorrow, I will endure, try hard to endure. Love you! Only sorrow, only regret. Everyone, get better quickly! @All who love Pan Yumei
Jia Yi Minus Two Times Three Divided by Four: Cherish everyone around you. Suddenly, I realize that everyone around me could disappear suddenly. Death is really scary. Remember a line from “On Call”: The cruelest thing is not telling your loved ones and friends about the impending death. But rather, not giving them a chance to cherish the last moments with you. Senior Yumei’s smile, we will always remember. I believe she left with a smile at the last moment.
Luo Shaozhen: Are you smiling? Seeing the sunshine reminds me of you. The weather is gradually getting better. The gloomy weather seems to dare not come out to cause trouble because of you. Are you okay? Uncle, hello, we’ve met before. Thank you for taking me to see the doctor that time. You are so kind.
lreen_mi: I try hard, desperately recalling, only to find that I am stuck in a certain moment and can’t break free. It keeps replaying, getting louder and louder, but I can’t hear the blurred words, only a string of silver bell-like laughter, mine or yours?
Lucky Xiaoqing: You said: “I’ve been doing well recently, hehe, you should take care of your body while working hard. If you lose weight the next time I see you, I will hit you!!” I said: “I want you to hit me”… But you never replied to me again… @MAY_PAN
lreen_mi: I want to know where I should start to miss you, but I don’t know where to start! If I could go back and find you…. Are you okay?
May and M’s Stories: I saw your childhood photos! Haha! It turns out that your childhood appearance and mine are quite compatible. Chaowen said that I would become a Gan Xiaoming with your shadow in the future. Then, the future me will definitely be an excellent man. Like a firefly in the dark.
lreen_mi: Some say that with every farewell, a star in the sky goes out! But tonight, there are two very bright stars…. r u here?
May and M’s Stories: I have always tried hard to become someone you can rely on. Of course, you rejected me ninety thousand times! Haha, I am not talented, but I keep trying. I guessed the beginning of our love was simple, but I didn’t expect the end to be “The Distant Her”. In the next life, I will still love you. We don’t need to have many children, three is enough! The most important thing is that they are obedient and well-behaved, and we grow old together. Silly girl, remember, in the next life, I will still be that strange Gan Xiaoming.
Love Daydreaming Watermelon: Listening to “You Are My Eyes”, looking at Chi Jia’s Weibo, I’m sorry, I missed too much… I’m sorry, I realize how ridiculous I was… Having your friendship was such a happiness… Missed… Missed you… Missed the love… Who should I blame… This sleepless night.
lreen_mi: You’ve been haunting me for two days and two nights @MAY_PAN. I shared a lot about you with others, and in many scenes, you were infinitely magnified! Today is sunny, I always feel like you are smiling again. You, a silly girl, would cry when others cry, are you laughing when we laugh? If so, tomorrow will definitely be sunny again!
TMachangV: No one knows what will happen in the next second. Chasing dreams should not be hindered by anything. Living in the present, we will live better.
Bingnuo C: Thank you to the person who drove over 100 kilometers from Foshan to University Town in the middle of the night to take me to Xiqiao. Not many people treat me so well. I don’t know if you will see this. Love you.
Bingnuo C: - You said, is Xiaopang an angel in heaven? - Probably, but I don’t know if he can fly because he’s too fat. Xiaopang, are you still yelling about losing weight in heaven? Actually, you look really good with a little fat, and you’re only a little bit fat.
Yingyue Xiyi: The fragility of life makes people full of doubts about the meaning of living!
May and M’s Stories: When having meals and chatting with brothers in Zhaoqing, we always talk about you! Chairman Pan. You will always be my Chairman Pan, and I will always be your General Manager Gan. Although we are forcing smiles, we still have to smile! Do you understand @Bingnuo C
He Yongchai: The disturbance you brought to our lives is a lifetime treasure because of your sincerity.
xCherish: No matter how awesome the days are, they can’t compare to the silly days in 303. It turns out that such days are really limited… Your Fish Leong, your love songs… Fate is so humorous, making lovers silent… Remember you singing with me, singing your love songs a cappella…
xCherish: Woke up, rubbing my sore eyes, not knowing how long I slept. My mind is filled with the image of you on the balcony calling our full names, telling us we didn’t clean up and to do what we should do… Gone, only then do I know what gone means… When you saw me off at graduation, you said you would come to see me during National Day, but you broke your promise… What should I do? You broke your promise again! @MAY_PAN
He Yongchai: You know, I don’t even dare to turn on the computer, I don’t dare to upload any photos of you. It’s a pity that your “despicable” friends keep reposting them. Stop playing hide and seek, we’ve searched all the places you’ve been to, and even reported to the police, why can’t we find you?
I Walk My Way: Come back! I still want to argue with you! @MAY_PAN At most, you owe me a meal, I won’t make you treat me! I’ll treat you!
lreen_mi: It seems like your laughter, singing, and calling each of our names are echoing in my ears. Your round face always wore a crescent moon-like bright smile, so full of energy, running around, have you come to me yet!? I left a note for you, after the exam, come to me for food, drink, and sleep! You accepted my invitation, promised me via text! What will you use to compensate for breaking the promise? I’m waiting for you @MAY_PAN
May and M’s Stories: Left that city, just want to be alone. The effect of alcohol only lasts for eight hours. The first thing that appears when I open my eyes is her. If only I could be selfish once.
Lucky Xiaoqing: I really want to go back to those years… You sat next to me… Just sitting like that…
Lucky Xiaoqing: Back to the starting point, standing in front of the mirror in a daze… My memory is full of you…
Lucky Xiaoqing: You said you haven’t watched 3D, we watched Kung Fu Panda together… You said you wanted to watch Jacky Cheung’s concert, we watched it together… You said you wanted to travel, we prepared to go to Hong Kong together… You said you wanted to eat my cooking, but later it was you who fried me an egg… You said you wanted to be Maruko, I said then I’ll be Tamako… You said you were in a bad mood, we skipped class and sang together… You said you wanted to be slimmer, we agreed that I would eat more and you would eat less… You said, you said…
Goodnight My Moon: Suddenly, panicking… Looking at Weibo, seeing those memories turned into mourning, my heart is filled with unspeakable sadness. Everyone has such an unforgettable story, flipping through it, stirring it up… Already, truly heartbroken… Heaven is merciless, aging human hearts, who is right, who is wrong, why must suffering be connected, how can it bear to deceive her… Tears point to the sky, what grievance, what fate…
Huang Wei: I can’t bear your departure! I can’t forget your face! Every week, I have to face victims of traffic accidents in court. I never thought a traffic accident would take your young life. I want to do something for you, I want to do a lot, but most of all, I want someone to tell me this is a joke you played on us! But everything is too late, after graduation, I bid you farewell forever! What’s left for me is all regret! Deeply mourn, may you rest in peace!
xiongbear088: Looking at your photos one by one, I found this group photo in your space, missing your cute appearance and sweet smile, missing the days we spent together in dorm 303 for four years, missing you practicing singing in the dorm, missing you singing a few lines from time to time every day, missing you calling me little pig…. Fatty, there are no troubles in heaven, may you rest in peace, we miss you @xCherish @Yaoyan Huozhong’s Buck Teeth @Bingnuo C @Mosquito Pig
Love Daydreaming Watermelon: Dead?? Not here, what does it mean, blurred, what is death, what is not here. Don’t understand, what concept,
XBrother Says You’re Right: I can’t believe this fact, I hope someone can tell me this is fake.
Little Hui Baby: Just now, seeing the overwhelming Weibo posts, I completely can’t believe it!
Salt Egg: God knows how much I don’t want to believe this is true… So sudden, so sudden…
lreen_mi: Always only when it’s gone, do I desperately try to recall. It turns out you occupy such a big part @MAY_PAN
May and M’s Stories: Why can time move forward second by second, but not rewind second by second?
Silly Pig Yi: Sincerely remind all friends, pay attention to safety when going out, drive carefully!!!!!
xCherish: Miss you! Miss you! Still miss you so much… In the next life, I’ll let you sleep on the top bunk…
xCherish: Still remember your heart wall, your默契, I’m sorry, I once didn’t let your默契 be better displayed to everyone… May, please always, always be brave and smile!
xiongbear088: You told me, after this exam, you want to relax properly… Are you traveling to heaven now @MAY_PAN
Shuer xi: Feeling down! My heart is blocked, all her memories were magnified at that moment, becoming clear! Pleasant singing, sunshine-like smile, still remember going to Jacky Cheung’s concert together, the little details when she asked me to send her videos, I really can’t believe it, don’t want to believe it! I’m so scared, why is there always such news that is hard to accept!
C Junwing: She’s playing a joke on us
MJuno24: Put her on Weibo, put her in our hearts, so no one can take her away…
TMachangV: Light 44 candles, never to be separated
xiongbear088: Please continue to smile in heaven. Rest in peace, Mei!
Xianyou Lang: I know, actually you and Dad went on a trip. I hope the beautiful scenery there brings you endless happiness. Goodnight, A May.
C Junwing: Sometimes the impermanence of life is really helpless and heartbreaking~ All we can do is live each day well now. The person is gone~ but leaves the people who love her the most to grieve alone…
Little Ghost Wanzi: @MAY_PAN Stupid fatty, come back after you’ve had enough fun, okay? We agreed that I would go to Xiqiao to see you this weekend, and you said you would come to Foshan to pick me up. I don’t care, I want you to pick me up, you must come to pick me up.
UranusLau: A May’s smile will always live in everyone’s hearts, REST IN PEACE, AMEN
if-a-song: What a beautiful, kind, and cheerful girl, I will always remember your smile
May and M’s Stories: I’ve smoked a pack of cigarettes, why haven’t you come over to snatch them away from me. At most, I won’t smoke anymore. Your words, Gan Xiaoming, don’t smoke, Gan Xiaoming, don’t smoke. Are the warmest words I’ve ever heard in my life.
May and M’s Stories: Managed to rest for a few hours, can’t be sure if the past 12 hours were real, or if the days to come are real. Like before, the last person I think of before sleeping is her, and the person I most want to see when I wake up is still her. The window is very foggy, and my eyes are very foggy too.
I Walk My Way: @MAY_PAN Nan Zhong people! No matter where you go, you must be happy! We will miss you! Rest in peace!
Bingnuo C: From now on… There will never be another person who squints and smiles while calling me little cow… My专属 little fatty bird… Our once upon a time… Why has it only become memories… I miss you so much… I love you… Hysterical… To memories… Just like the last words you left me, I really hope everything is just a dream… Tell me this is a dream, okay… Squinting and saying… Little cow… It’s time to wake up…
He Yongchai: I know you can know, your biggest failure is not taking the time to love yourself
He Yongchai: What can we use to remember you
Lucky Xiaoqing: Please, I have lots of words to talk to you, if possible, I can reduce my age for you——mei…

##Part Three:

She She’s gone. Never come back to us, but live in our mind forever. She’s gone. A sunshine girl—-smart, pretty, diligent, gentle and soft…… She’s always with a big smile. A big smile can touch everybody. But now we cannot touch her anymore—-everything about her, except the memory. She’s gone! No any omen. Everybody got shocked and grieved. A god-dame car accident took her young life ruthlessly. A life is blossoming, just like you and me. Now the gorgeous flower will never come out again—– No matter how much unwillingness, tears and sorrow, even the deep love for her. Nothing can drive her back to us. Leaving everybody down down down. Leaving a sad mother, heart-broken. How can a woman bear two deaths in a week? How How How ? Even one thousand hugs cannot save her from despair orIt didn’t give her any energy. How fragile our life is! How cruel death is! She’s gone—shocking me, alone, at midnight, trembling, tears, and fear. Then I realize—Life is with us, but death is so close to me. Then I realize—To live is truly a kind of happiness. No more complaints or greed. Then I realize—We should love each other more. We should love our life more. Finally, I do believe—May will live in another wonderful world, full of happiness!

Yang Wanfeng: http://user.qzone.qq.com/793336770/blog/1331903948

It’s been a long, long time since I last wrote a journal, but what I learned today really made me want to pick up my pen and write something down. Maybe it’s memories, maybe it’s a tribute, but all of these can only stay at one point, unable to move forward…

It was so sudden. When I vaguely guessed something, I felt uneasy. I tried every way I could to ask, hoping that all my guesses were just that—guesses, not real. When I finally got the news from Xiaowei, she was sobbing on the other end of the phone, and I was left dumbfounded in the corridor of the office building. “Hey, you’re joking, right?” “…No, it’s true…” My mind went blank, and then I couldn’t control the tears streaming down my face…

Dear Meimei, I remember you telling me that people from Guangdong are actually very hospitable and friendly. I remember you telling me that Foshan has a lot of delicious food and fun places. I remember you telling me that when I come back, we should all get together again and have another crazy karaoke session.

I also remember your strong smile as you worked hard for the postgraduate entrance exam. I remember the look you gave me when I teased you about your chubby little body. I remember the loud “Good morning” we shouted to each other every morning from our balconies. I remember your gentle comfort when I faced difficulties during our internship. I remember how I would always ask you for favors, and you would patiently agree, letting me rely on you.

You told me I would definitely find my own happiness. You told me how much you cherished our rare group of friends after graduation. You told me to come back to Guangdong more often, and that you would definitely notify us if you got married, sharing the joy of your happiness with us.

But that familiar QQ avatar will never flash again. I won’t see your comments on Weibo anymore. I never thought the chance to return to Guangdong would be to see you for the last time. But I really, really don’t want to see it. The Meimei in my memory is such a girl who loves to laugh!!! Not like this now………..!!

Yumei, even though we are far apart, I will never forget your smile. Class 07 Law 1 will always have 44 people, forever and always.

I know, you are still there, with that bright, warm, spring-like smile.

Yan Yan: http://user.qzone.qq.com/815538432/blog/1331885608

It’s been so long since I last wrote a journal, and I really wish this time it wasn’t for such a reason. Perhaps in the face of fate, even life can be compromised. I really wish this news was false. I never thought that the judicial exam on September 19th last year would be our last meeting. Looking back now, I deeply regret not having a proper chat with you that day. You were so beautiful, so kind, your voice so sweet, and you were always so warm to everyone. From the moment I received the text today, my mind went blank. When I came to, my mind was filled with scenes of you. These scenes played in slow motion, replaying in my mind all day.

Your smile will always be in our hearts, and your bravery and perseverance will always be something we learn from. I hope you can hear our blessings and receive our prayers over there. May—your life may not have length, but it has depth and breadth. You will always live in our hearts.

Have a safe trip home!

Lao Mingqing: http://user.qzone.qq.com/465604709/blog/1331911217

Today, when I turned on my computer, an old friend asked me if I knew about another old friend’s situation. I thought she was getting married, but she said she was gone. I asked where she went, and the answer was…

Maybe I was always this slow to react, so I never truly cherished the people around me. She was a very good friend of mine in college. I remember when I first went to Guangdong, I couldn’t understand Cantonese, so I was very frustrated and rarely communicated with other classmates. But to prove something, I participated in an English speech contest. One night, while I was practicing my speech on the balcony, she came over excitedly and gave me a paper crane, wishing me good luck. At that moment, I felt her words were so sincere and trustworthy, so from then on, I considered her a good friend.

After that, we shared many experiences. We participated in singing competitions together, stayed up late talking until the early hours, and she told me that having morning tea was a Cantonese tradition, so she would bring me food from home. We went shopping in Dali together, and she said I had never received flowers before, so she bought me a lotus because she knew I liked them. When I was sick, she accompanied me to the hospital, and when I had a cold, she would buy me food… Talking to her felt so gentle and trustworthy, I was willing to share all my secrets and thoughts with her. During college, because of the time I spent with her, I felt so happy and no longer lonely. We even formed a MAL group, though it no longer exists.

Due to certain reasons, we spent less time together later, but she would still come to care for me. She was very ambitious but sometimes lacked confidence. I remember during a postgraduate exam discussion, she cried when talking about her family, crying so sadly, but I never knew what it was about. Today, when I called Xiaoqing, I found out her father passed away on Monday, and now I think I can guess what it was about. During my illness, they always said I was strong, but compared to her, I was nothing. Because she was under so much pressure but still persisted in her postgraduate studies.

It’s been so long since I last contacted her, and today, hearing this news, it felt so unbelievable, as if someone I was joking with just yesterday suddenly no longer exists in this world. I cried. I used to cry because of my own misfortunes, but it’s been a long time since I cried for someone else. I really want to go to Foshan to see her, to see her mother. Such a double tragedy is a heavy blow for a woman. But I can’t go. I hope you can feel my thoughts, Amei. I’m so sad…

I can’t help but lament the fragility of life, and at the same time, I lament myself… I pursue too many things and care too little for the people around me. Maybe if I had cared more for her, I would feel better now. I hope I don’t end up like a client I once had, who was very wealthy and had many glorious accolades, but was a spiritual beggar, an empty shell.

A-May, may you rest in peace. Although your life was short, look, you have so many good friends, so many people who care about you! God bless you!

Zeng Lingqiao: http://user.qzone.qq.com/735387493/blog/1331870106

Dear Meimei, please forgive me for not being able to take graduation photos with you on May 23rd because I was attending a civil service interview. Now it has become a lifelong regret.

This morning, I heard devastating news, and I still can’t process it. I still don’t want to accept this reality. While I was at the bank handling social security matters, tears were streaming down my face. Yan on the phone had to repeat it several times before I understood. When I finally realized, I was stunned, and the bank teller had to call me several times before I responded. She probably heard my conversation and didn’t blame me, still politely helping me with my business.

I remember in my freshman year, I was very fat, and our classmates called you “Little Fatty,” including me. Later, in my sophomore year, I lost weight and wasn’t as fat anymore. You came over and asked me how I lost weight. At the time, I was both amused and exasperated. I told you to keep yourself busy, and then you joined many clubs. In my junior year, you told me it was a lie because you didn’t lose weight. I laughed so hard at the time. Now, can you still come over and ask me how to lose weight? I will definitely give you a satisfactory answer, or I can come over and tell you, okay? I really wish you could still smile and ask me, “Jialing, how are you and Fatty? When you come to Xiqiao, we can go shopping often~ (≧▽≦)/~.”

I also remember in my sophomore year, as the class monitor, we worked together to win the “Red Flag Class Monitor” award for our Class 07 Law 1. We stayed up late, worked overtime, and you gave me so many ideas. If it weren’t for your persistence, I would have fallen asleep. After finishing, the next day I found out you stayed up even later to perfect it. I was so moved—where else could I find such a great girl? If I were a boy, I wouldn’t miss you. Recalling that night of staying up together is still vivid. I remember us hugging after finishing, sticking photos together, discussing, and laughing wildly.

I remember when I ran out of daily necessities, you would always help me out. Every time I needed help, you were always so enthusiastic and caring. You would always gossip about me and Fatty, asking if we were still together, and when I teased you, you would say your time hadn’t come yet. Up to now, I haven’t heard any news about you dating, which is really a pity.

For every class activity, big or small, you were always so enthusiastic, helping classmates solve problems. Now I regret pursuing too many things in college, spending too much time on work, and not spending more time with everyone. I feel sorry for our 44 classmates. Actually, I’m not very good at expressing myself, but I cherish each and every one of you. You often saw me rushing around, traveling a lot, and not spending more time gathering with everyone. Looking back now, I really regret it. I hope in future class reunions, everyone can actively participate, making our class bond even stronger.

May, I want to tell you, I really miss you. Tonight, I looked at all your photos, and as long as there was a photo of you, I looked at it. Tears really couldn’t stop. You left me with too many memories, memories I will remember for a lifetime. I remember your bright smile, how much you loved taking photos, how much you “loved meddling,” always so enthusiastic about every classmate. I remember how you hated it when I touched your belly, haha, and how I would secretly touch it and then laugh, and you would hit me. I still want to do such mischievous things, still want you to hit me, even if it hurts, this time I won’t make a sound. I really wish you could come back, I really wish I could go to Xiqiao and go shopping with you. I remember you said you wanted to come to Qingyuan for hot springs and rafting, and I promised you that when you got your results and relaxed, you could come over. But now, it’s just regret…

I don’t dare to recall too much, I don’t dare to think of your lovely face, I don’t dare to think back to those moments. In my memories, there’s only your image, your voice. Even though I’m so far away in Qingyuan and can’t see you one last time in Foshan, I always think of you. You will always be in my heart. Dear Meimei, I miss you, I really do, so much…

Class 07 Law classmates, you all must be well, as long as you’re here, I don’t want to hear such news again. Our Class 07 Law 1 will always have 44 people.

Liu Jialing: http://user.qzone.qq.com/739097484/blog/1331899944

So many things have happened in March, happiness, sadness, one after another. How strong are we to endure all these unbelievable facts? In some ways, we are all innocent. We always think these things are so far away, but who would have thought that just a few months later, it would be such a bolt from the blue. The moment I heard it, I couldn’t believe it. I just hoped it was all a nightmare, a misunderstanding, but reality is always so cruel. A once lively, cheerful, and bright-smiling person will no longer appear before us. I just hope you are no longer in pain and will always smile happily.

We don’t know what the next second will bring, we don’t know what fate has in store for us. Since there are so many unknowns, even if we worry and fear, it’s useless. From recent events, I seem to understand that in this life, we should laugh loudly when we can, cry out when we need to, and do what we must bravely, even if we know there’s no result ahead. At least we can enjoy the process, a process filled with beautiful memories. We can’t control accidents, but I hope we can all follow our hearts to live, to be a new, free-spirited version of ourselves.

Many people dare to think but not to act, dare to act but not to speak. When a great opportunity is right in front of you, if you don’t know how to seize it, how to grasp it, by the time you lose that opportunity, that time, you’ll naturally realize how foolish you were. Time can’t be turned back. If we don’t live freely while we can laugh and cry, we will lose so much. We often complain about this and that, but do you know that many people are longing for the things you’re complaining about? When you complain about not having shoes, you’ll find someone without feet.

A classmate said, “Cherish everyone around you, because in this city, a turn might mean a farewell. Love bravely, express bravely, don’t let yourself regret.” Family, friendship, love, all need our care and cherishing, need us to express bravely. Don’t give yourself a chance to regret. Treat everyone around you well!!! Always pray for our friend, may you rest in peace!!!

Wu Yuting: http://user.qzone.qq.com/476380081/blog/1331885364

It’s not a nightmare… not a rumor… not a joke… The fact is so real, so certain, right in front of us… We can’t escape it… After the shock… there are no words… no expressions… just quietly searching for your traces in my mind…

A lovely, optimistic girl, always with a big smile on her face… A lively girl who loved participating in all kinds of activities… An ambitious girl who always pursued her dreams… A helpful girl who always cared for her friends… A carefree girl who never minded anything… I went to your space… read all your diaries… I didn’t understand them… but I deeply felt your sadness and strength… I went to your Weibo… saw others’ memories of you… I wanted to say something too… but words failed me…

Huo Minyi: http://user.qzone.qq.com/57275665/blog/1331890880

That kind, lovely, smiling Little Fatty… Everything was fine with Little Fatty. You followed your father… Reunited with your dad, right? Living a happy life in another world. So many people can’t bear to part with you… but we can’t keep you… We just hope you are happy… hope you remember us… the days we spent together… our laughter… our exhaustion… our love… So many people love you… You are not alone… MAY, I really don’t want to say it, but rest in peace. Like you said, everything feels like a dream… so sudden… I don’t want to wake up… but I did…

Part Four:

1, How to say it, friend 2011-01-31

I remember saying at the beginning that after the exams, I would record all the ups and downs, all the laughter and joy along the way.
After such a long journey, looking back, I realize there are too many fragments. How can I connect them? To say there were no moments worth pondering, no unforgettable experiences, would be a lie.
I clearly remember that journey, intermittently, I was always chasing, always rushing to catch up, but in the end, I couldn’t make it… If anyone wants to learn from experience…Then you can ask me anytime, because I really have too much experience of failure, the kind of experience that is “getting up from failure,” the kind of experience that is “self-comfort.” Hehe~~ Along the way, things happened with my studies, my friends, my family, everything. I was thinking, is heaven testing me, or is it punishing me for my lack of focus all along? I don’t know. But in the early stages of my review, I really didn’t have that drive. Recently, I saw a successful person say online, “Don’t participate in activities that don’t mean much to you, that only slightly improve your overall abilities, as they will only distract you…” The word “focus” is easy to say, but what about doing it?

It wasn’t until the later stages of my review, the crucial stages, that I realized “graduate school entrance exams” are not the entirety of my current life. There are other things I need to do; I can’t selfishly pursue only my own dreams. Some might say, you need to learn to prioritize, but reality is reality. Actually, people who turn off their phones all day don’t understand their responsibilities…

In January 2011, I went crazy, I really went crazy.

You’re anxious, you’re worried, you’re nervous, but once time passes, it’s gone. Whether you have 10 days, 7 days, or 4 days, the effect is the same because your mind is cluttered, because you’re scared, because you really haven’t read too many books, what to do? Just grit your teeth and go for it, don’t worry about others, walk your own path, my “self-comfort” experience is kicking in again~~ Actually, what has always supported me and kept me going is my family, I can’t give up!

On January 15th and 16th, 2011, even if these two days ultimately don’t make a difference, there’s nothing to regret. If you catch the tail end, you catch it; if you don’t, it’s your RP (reputation points) problem. No one knows how I spent these two days because I slept alone… Turns out, even in an unfamiliar environment, one can still fall asleep. On the night of January 16th, objectively speaking, I should have been very tired, no, I really was tired! But you know what? I had the chance to go to a “Jacky Cheung” concert!! Even if I was tired, I forgot about it. This fulfilled my first wish in advance! Listening to him sing live was a treat for the ears! He’s already 50 years old, but even while dancing and singing, his pitch is still so accurate, so pleasant! He’s very professional, not sloppy at all, truly deserving of the title “God of Songs”… I won’t talk about him anymore, lest everyone says I’m annoying (*^__^*), after all, many have heard me talk about him.

Who says exams make you lose weight? For several months, I didn’t feel hungry, really not hungry, but I still had to eat, so after the exams, my weight didn’t change! However, those who studied really hard did lose weight!

In the library, that “Friendship Book Club,” I met many like-minded people! I remember whenever someone took graduation photos, it was our time to relax, was that right or wrong? Right, I believe. They really made me happy, hehe, thinking about it makes me want to laugh, now their faces are flashing through my mind… hehe! Actually, isn’t happiness the most important thing? SO, friends, no matter where you are, don’t forget how we struggled in the library, don’t forget every night at Dacheng Building! Don’t forget the banter at the dining table… I remember when I was sick, everyone cared about me, I remember when we were dizzy from studying, those moments of stealing a break… Who would have thought, in our senior year, we suddenly had a group of friends around us, even chance encounters are worth commemorating, right? Moreover, we’ve known each other for several months~~~ I believe you will all achieve your dreams! I believe!

Friends, I know, I know, besides this group of like-minded people, there are many others who have been encouraging and supporting me during my review period, I can’t express how touched I am… understand?

I haven’t forgotten, I made many promises to you, but so far, none have been fulfilled. I said, after the exams, I would do this and that with you… I also planned many things to do after the exams, at least to travel, to visit many friends’ homes for meals… thinking about it then was motivating! Hehe~~ But now I can’t do it. Perhaps during this period, without greetings, without contact, gradually fading away, I might have accidentally upset you… but please forgive me. No time, but more importantly, no mood.

ANYWAY, how to say it, friends, I hope our friendship is still there!

Everyone has gone home for the New Year, right? That’s great, spend more time with your most important people, that’s a very, very happy thing. Tonight someone lost their temper, knowing it was accumulated, it exploded, knowing it was actually sadness, everyone followed in sadness… If crying is sadness, then what is it when you don’t even know you’re shedding tears?

“Believe,” friends say to believe, yes, I used to “believe” a lot, always yearning for beauty, always holding onto the beauty in my hand. But is fate playing tricks? But I still “believe”! SO, don’t worry! Friends, just live happily every day!

Sometimes, I wonder, have I learned to hide, or have I learned to be strong? But at least I’m still very optimistic, that’s my characteristic, hehe! No one can replace your strength, only yourself!

SO EVERYBODY, TRUST ME! JUST WISHES! ^_^

(*^__^*) Spring Festival is almost here, kids, adults, have a good fat year, for many, this is the last Spring Festival of our college life! Have a happy New Year, relax a bit, feel more, remember more! As for red envelopes, don’t be stingy, just give them to me when no one’s around, I definitely won’t tell.

Friends, how to say it…

FORGIVE ME!

I AM ALWAYS HERE.

2, Gambling 2011.3.26

On the night of March 26, 2011, gambling on the future, looking back, it’s still the laughter of that time, the bravery of that time, the belief of that time, no regrets, because it won’t become tears in the future.
Life can be easy, but choices are hard. If you choose wrong from the start, every step after is to make up for the previous one, who would be willing?
If you have the ability to change, then do it, that’s fate, not choosing to lose, but choosing to let go.
There’s no should or shouldn’t, only willing or not. Willing to understand you, that’s your blessing, cherish it.
At that moment, I let go, but I was also anxious, this is foolish, believe in yourself, only then can you be worthy of today. People have to walk on the edge, in regret, through the important steps of life.
But, what needs to be clear is, there can’t be escape, there can’t be excuses, otherwise, every decision becomes regret, how sad can people be?
Life doesn’t have many moments of youthful recklessness, or perhaps one of them is a turning point, seize it.
This day, that time, leave it for tomorrow, looking back, it’s still the laughter of that time, March 27, 2011, night.

3, 2010-8-18

Although August 18, 2010, has passed…
BUT, I still remember, that indescribable feeling of being moved, that indescribable happiness, that was bliss… Thank you for that night!
Now I don’t have time to write down the things that touch me around me, so I’m afraid the longer time goes, those feelings will drift further away, but I’m not afraid, from now on I will remember you around me with my heart, and fight alongside you with my heart.
NOW, recalling that night again, it might not be as complete, BUT, the mark it left in my heart won’t disappear, these have all become precious memories of my growth, silently influencing me, encouraging me, changing me…
August 18, a girl was born, her greatest strength and greatest weakness is that she likes to deceive herself, always thinking that everything in this world is beautiful…
On this night of this year, she thought everyone had forgotten her inconspicuous birthday, she thought in this very period where everyone is racing against time, this is normal, BUT, unexpectedly everyone put on such a good show, fooled me, although I was fooled happily! On the sixth floor of the meeting building, you gave me a great surprise, gave me the warmest blessings, gave me the most unexpected touch, thank you! I’m really dumb, I didn’t see through you, hehe, you really went to great lengths, haha, recalling that night, I’m still very happy. That night we were all very happy, we sang together, ate cake together… Only more details, more scenes are deep in my memory, I don’t know if you are like me, collecting the happiness of that night~
Gradually, the distance between us has narrowed, I will cherish you, this circle of friends!
Hehe, of course, the blessings received that day were full, thank heaven for letting me meet you, get to know you, hope you all are happy, live life well together! (*^__^*) You have your brilliance, I have my brilliance, YEAH~~!
We, this group of people fighting on the road to our dreams, must cheer on!
Although time is tight now, we must not forget the touches life brings us.
Remember these feelings, these emotions, for the future us, they are an irreplaceable treasure,
And now, you have given them to me, I will cherish them, occasionally or often take them out to look at, encourage myself, warm myself~
Remember, when you regret, it’s not that we missed the time, but that we missed ourselves.

4, You said… 2010-07-10

The graduation train is still moving forward as usual, but you, you can’t be as brave as it, what you fear, perhaps is not the unknown, but what people call reality, they say, reality is a wolf, ideals are sheep, but you jokingly say, isn’t that just Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf, perhaps, only by letting ideals and reality interact, can you truly find your own possibilities.

5, My previous life must have done a lot of good deeds… 2009-11-14

Nothing is happier than this, seeing their smiles, hearing their laughter, your heart will melt, nothing is more motivating than this, not afraid of hardship, not afraid of loneliness.
Didn’t expect that after years of galloping in the business world, he has become cute, he would actually say such words to coax you, didn’t expect that the usually strict, not good at expressing love him, today seems so proactive, but, still deep, deep… I understand him, he is deep, has been since childhood! Now that I’m mature, grown up, he has become like a child, but occasionally, because the burden on his shoulders is still there, still needs to continue galloping, but I’m satisfied, I like him like this! I think in the future he will become more like a child, with no burden at all…
He would sometimes come over, see what we’re doing, he would always say, let’s go together tomorrow… although we have to get up early, but I will still go, just want to stay with them longer. We don’t really act spoiled, because he is strict, traditional, and also, he has no patience, but considering he really loves us, forgive him! Didn’t expect now, he would actually be like this, without hiding, inadvertently revealing, maybe he really misses us, she says, he really loves us, but he would save face, misses us, always asks her to call, or makes up a reason to find you, just doesn’t say those… hehe, now he is starting to change, of course, I’m also loving him more, he knows…
And her? We say she could open a restaurant, with such good cooking skills! Maybe this is one of the reasons he has always loved her! But what I admire most is not her good cooking, but that a woman can also hold up many things… once we talked about this, she and I both cried. She can both gallop with him in the business world, in life, and also manage everything at home, take care of the old and young at home, she once said, without her, he wouldn’t have today. I increasingly believe, a complete, warm home, there must be someone who is very good at managing, coming back from work, from school, it won’t be cold, won’t run out to eat. The trivial things, always because of her, will be solved. She, is an all-around king, she said, if she were a man, she would be excellent… I think, she’s too confident~~ hehe
He says, “I was very FIT when I was young, now I have a big belly…” actually I think he was quite handsome when he was young. And she also says, “I was only 90 pounds when I got married, it was after having us that my weight skyrocketed.” But many people who know me think she’s beautiful, hehe, this can’t let her know!
This weekend was really happy, didn’t go anywhere, just stayed at home, didn’t eat anything special, just ate her cooking, I want to say, I really like him, others say dads love daughters more, well, my dad really favors me when I argue with my brother, but I know he loves all three of us, that’s just natural, innate, dads always seem greater in front of daughters… I also really like her, because she makes me understand how to be a woman.
A turn, you can see a lot, a few words, you can read a lot, and consistent actions, you can understand a lot. Sometimes the touch seems to have no reason. Actually, it has been accumulating, deeper and deeper… Although they are as stubborn as ancient rocks (so my persistence is inherited from them), now maybe under my transformation, it’s much better, since I was a child, I loved to oppose them, just wanted to fight for myself, as I grew up, I understood them, they also slowly understood me…
Nothing has a greater impact, greater motivation than this word—home. Once, just for the two of them, I struggled several times, or maybe several years? I’m the kind of person who crams at the last minute… Now it’s still like this, but more for myself, because only then can they be at ease, I can switch roles with them…
I know, he and she, are very loving, although they often argue about this and that, but with me here, no fear, he, drinks a lot, she hates it, I hate it too, but now slowly under our taming, he’s much better~ he’s just not good at expressing, but to her, it shouldn’t be, just won’t say those coaxing words. He’s really filial, the youngest in the family, but he alone shoulders a family… I know, he and she, love us very much, I will also love you very much.
She, can be considered a strong woman, but not as strong as him, sometimes when encountering some things, she’s a bit weak, not as competitive, because she’s actually very kind, very soft-hearted. She, a woman, holds up many things~~ She says I’m feisty, like her, I say no way!! She says she can handle many things alone, like a feisty woman. She always chats very well with people older than her, exchanging their experiences. She says she wants to learn computers, but, it seems she has no time, I say, you should rest more! She won’t! If she has time, she also wants to learn dancing! I’m impressed~
They, strong, hardworking, not afraid of hardship, generous, filial, have goals, have perseverance, steady, stubborn, traditional, impatient, easily soft-hearted, love face, occasionally like to sing, occasionally witty, good at drinking… I wonder, how much have I been influenced? I wonder, did I do a lot of good deeds in my previous life, so in this life I became their daughter? Then I think, in the next life, continue to do so…

6, Internship at the Intermediate Court 2009-08-15

This summer is almost over, I believe everyone is following their plans, traveling, interning, part-time jobs, being homebodies, spending time with family, and studying… I interned at the Intermediate Court for a month, I still remember at the beginning, Ah Bing said, “Do you feel it’s not as mysterious, as sacred as you imagined? Did you think before that working in a court is very impressive?”
Facing such a question, I smiled, didn’t answer, because before coming, I really thought being able to work in the “Foshan Intermediate People’s Court” was so impressive, enviable~~ But actually, inside the court, there are also high-level and low-level positions, which one do you want to do?
We went to the Intermediate Court not for graduation internship, just to gain some experience, to observe. The Intermediate Court is really a grand high-rise building, from the outside, it’s full of majesty… These are my companions, Yao, Yan, Gan, Wei, Liang, Hua, and Luby, on the first day here, of course, we immediately took photos to commemorate, and at the entrance~~ Every day we would ride the bus together, transfer, seemingly living the life of white-collar workers. The happiest time every day is when we take the bus!!
Next to the Intermediate Court is Huaying Middle School» In front of the Intermediate Court, the Procuratorate is being built, the style is similar to the Intermediate Court~~, next to it is also Foshan Experimental School. The supporting facilities of the Intermediate Court are quite good, outdoors there are badminton courts, basketball courts, football fields, indoors there are gyms, table tennis rooms, billiard rooms, etc., and there’s even a mahjong room! You can play mahjong when you’re free~~ There’s also a helicopter landing pad, but it’s only used under very special circumstances, landing at that “H” point» One thing that must be admitted is, working at the Intermediate Court, you will definitely gain weight! Because the food here is really good! The price is only one yuan per meal, at noon there’s fruit, in the afternoon there’s milk, drinks, so it’s said that the Intermediate Court is “high salary, good benefits”! The Intermediate Court has many departments, Ah Gan and I went to the very busy “Civil Division One,” after a month, my biggest takeaway is—busy.The clerks in the Civil Division One are the hardest working; they can’t just go play badminton on certain days of the week like other departments… Every day, I listen to A-Bing complain and cry for help… This is my work desk. Every day, the work I do is mostly helping the clerks, and sometimes the judges. Basically, wherever I’m needed, I go. It’s all about “doing odd jobs”! I once spent an afternoon numbering over 600 pages!!

Of course, I remember Brother Xiao Ma saying that we can’t just do “manual labor”; we should take the time to observe court cases when we can. Criminal cases are more interesting, with more complete procedures, and there are bailiffs, haha. I even discovered a prosecutor named “Pan Mei”! She’s one of the top ten prosecutor stars in Foshan~ super impressive! On the other hand, civil cases are a bit dull, so we often go to listen to criminal cases—murder, robbery… Actually, working in the “Criminal Division” and “Juvenile Court” is great because you can exercise your sense of justice~~ haha~·

I have to thank my mentor—A-Bing. She’s amazing, a graduate student from South China Normal University, and she’s passed the judicial exam. I admire her work ethic, even though the work is tedious. She’s really taught me a lot and takes good care of me, always telling me not to work too hard and to take breaks~~, (*^__^*) hehe… Under her influence, I’ve learned that we should enjoy our time at university because once we start working, it’s different. University summers are precious~! There won’t be any more summers after this!! A-Bing often says she envies us, thinking we’re still young! I make mistakes, so sometimes I cause trouble for A-Bing~~~~~(>_<)~~~~ I’m really sorry~~ I know that during internships, you can still make mistakes, but once you’re really working, you have to be careful and take everything seriously! That’s the pressure of work.

In the same office, there’s also Sister Jing. She’s already an assistant judge, a judge, but because Civil Division One is so busy, she’s still doing clerk work for now. Her name is very special—it’s “An Jing” (Quiet)!!!! Haha, she has an adorable BABY (A-Bing is on the left, Sister Jing is on the right) Besides us, there are interns from other schools coming to the Intermediate Court for internships. Everyone in the court has different goals and different working styles. Society really has all kinds of people

The day before we left, our division had a gathering to see us off, haha. Those toasting and socializing scenes are really unforgettable… Actually, some judges become very cute after drinking~ Haha~~ Also, thanks to Brother Bin for his camera and judge’s robe, letting us experience being judges for a bit~~ Chief Judge Li and Chief Judge Lu also taught us a lot before we left. They’re really nice people, taking good care of us juniors, very scholarly! So, in the end, I’m grateful! The happiest thing is meeting these good people!

“Come visit when you have time,” “We’ll meet again if there’s a chance…” These are the things they often said before I left, haha. If there’s a chance, we’ll meet again. Actually, the end of the internship at the Intermediate Court means the beginning…

7，Last Night 2009-06-12

Finally, I received the appointment letter, and my mission is truly over… Last night’s handover meeting was the last time I wore the uniform—the uniform of the Political Science and Law College’s Youth League Committee and Student Union, the last time I saw so many colleagues. Seeing Senior Sister Ye Qing speak on stage, I knew she was choking up. When Yi Chao took the stage, he even cried… Yes, they’ve been in the Student Union for 3 years. And those of us who’ve worked in the Student Union for 2 years also feel their reluctance. We’ve walked a long way together around the Student Union, as long as you remember. Or perhaps there’s a lack of communication between departments, but when it’s time to leave, it’s so hard to part. An indescribable feeling. I thought I’d be very emotional at the handover meeting, but I wasn’t. Because I was thinking, reminiscing, feeling—I’ve experienced so much in the Student Union. The new leadership team took the stage to speak, thanking us old-timers and expressing their hopes for the Political Science and Law College to continue to improve. Your passion and pressure. The new head of the Organization Department, A-Si, took the stage, so excited! Our department’s signature move, “Organization, Organization, Organization Department,” so funny. Thank you, members of the Organization Department! I hope all the freshmen can carve out their own paths!

It’s only after it’s over that I realize how reluctant I am to leave. I still believe my choice wasn’t wrong, and I still hope the Political Science and Law College’s Youth League Committee and Student Union will continue to shine. This year, we all worked hard to do well, to organize events well. I’m happy to see the achievements, happy to have built valuable friendships. Maybe some people don’t understand, don’t get why we put so much effort into the Student Union, maybe even look down on it. But I want to say, it’s just that you don’t understand. As long as you’ve experienced it with your heart, you’ll know that everywhere is a stage. Being a student leader is just about serving everyone, it’s not about glory, it’s about responsibility. In the end, what you gain is the experience you accumulate, the abilities you develop, and a bond… The Organization Department has been busy from the start with “Starry Night Journey,” handling a lot of trivial matters… until the “Group Day Activities” and “Party Knowledge Competition” in the second semester. Maybe some people don’t know what we’ve done, but all eight of us in the Organization Department have been busy with our own tasks and department matters. I’m a very persistent person, striving for perfection. I want our department to improve, and more importantly, for everyone to be united. At least during events, everyone has a common goal, being proactive, putting in effort… These are things the freshmen understood at the handover meeting, and I’m happy about that. I know the Student Union isn’t just about one department. A small stage, big dreams… Passion leads to harvest. What you learn will definitely be useful in the future! With this passion and courage, I stepped onto another stage, wanting to do something for everyone, but… in the end, I couldn’t realize my dream… Haha, although disappointed, I’ve let go of a lot, believing this is also something I gained from the Student Union… Really, I want to say, none of us made the wrong choice. The moments, processes, memories of working together in the Student Union are precious because only by being part of it can you truly understand. Really, I want to say, being a student leader is something to be proud of because you can do things for the college, for everyone, it’s a reflection of ability. Suddenly, I remember the day school started in my sophomore year—welcoming new students, each of us with a smile on our faces… PS: The dorm is a bit messy. PS: Showing off, haha, forgive me… thanks. Looking forward to the new development of the Political Science and Law College’s Youth League Committee and Student Union, looking forward to the Political Science and Law College becoming everyone’s pride. PS: Looking forward to my final exams, hoping to complete them smoothly, looking forward to a perfect end to my life at North Campus, moving out in July.

8，It’s Finally Here—I’ve Been Tagged! 2009-05-24

I want to say: I’ve seen many people reposting this thing online, and now it’s finally my turn~~~. First, I want to thank FoFo (the source of all evil; but also very happy) for forwarding this game with a whopping 76 questions to me (it’s going to take a while!). Then, of course, I want to thank the 15 friends I’m tagging next, O(∩_∩)O haha~, you’re in for some work~~~ Q1: If you saw the person you love most sleeping in front of you, what would you do? I would pinch their face and mess up their hair. Q2: What do you think truly counts as happiness? Being with the people you love, whether they’re friends, family, or a lover. Q3: Do you think friendship or love is more important, and why? Friendship, of course, it’s just my nature, no reason needed. Q5: Do you believe in eternal love? Yes. Q6: What were you just doing? Doing these questions while on QQ. Q7: Are you happy right now? Yes, happy! Q9: If you had a secret, would you really tell the other person? Sometimes, even if I want to keep a secret, I can’t help but tell the other person. Q10: Do you like babies? Haha!! I love them!! Q11: Do you think friendship is forever? Yes~! Q12: At what age do you hope to get married? After 26! Q13: What would you say to the person you love most? You must love me forever! Q14: Do you often feel like a failure? No!! Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses!! Q15: Which is happier, loving someone or being loved? Loving someone! Q16: When have you felt most like a failure? When I lost myself. Q17: What would you do without him/her? I don’t know~ probably couldn’t sleep!! Cry… Q18: Would you rather be a wise person or a beautiful person? Both wise and beautiful. Q19: Would you wait 4 years for the person you love to be with you? Yes! Because it’s worth it! Q20: Do you think the happiness you call happiness now will be your happiness for life? The question is a bit strange~ how can someone without a relationship answer this?? Q21: Do you think you’ve grown up? A little, because people say I’ve matured. Q23: Who would you say your last words to before you die? What would you say? The person I love most. “Live well!” Q24: In your heart, what represents fate? Fate is represented by “meeting” and “interest.” Q25: What was the happiest moment you’ve ever had? My parents… I can’t remember the exact moment, but it’s indescribable, just a feeling. Q26: How would you treat the person you hate most? I don’t know, I just don’t want to see them. Q28: Would you rather ruin life or let life ruin you? Such a strange question!! So negative!!! Neither! Q29: If you found out the person you love has become a stranger, would you walk away or try to find the person you knew? I wouldn’t walk away, I’d wait… Q30: Would you do something you’ve never done before for them? Yes! Q31: Do you think girls look better with curly or straight hair? Both are good~~ Q32: Where do you most want to travel? Beijing. Q33: What’s something you’ll never forget? The happy moments I’ve shared with the person I love most. Q34: If you love someone, should you fight to keep them? No, forcing it won’t bring happiness. Q35: Who’s the first person you think of when you see the sky? Someone who makes my heart ache. Q36: Will you love them forever? Yes! Q37: Would you choose someone who likes you or someone you like? The person I like. Q38: How would you show your love for them? Through actions!! Q39: Do you like me (the person who tagged you)? Why! Yes, because you’re so cute! Q40. If you wanted to beat someone up, who would it be? Someone with terrible character! Q41: Have you ever regretted your decisions? Yes!!! But it’s all experience!

Q42: Can you really be together? I notice that all these questions are for people in relationships!!! Q43: Are past feelings gone? I don’t know!! Q44: If your loved one cried, what’s the first thing you’d do? Hug them. Q45: If your partner had an affair in the future, how would you handle it? I’d leave. Q46: Who’s the first person you think of? Under what circumstances? Q47: Does the person you love care about you? I don’t know! Q49: What do you most want to do right now? Finish these questions quickly and then do something else!!! Q50: Rank family, love, money, career, and reputation in order? Family, love, career, reputation, money. Q51: Would you easily give up on someone? No. Q52: What do you most want to do right now? Finish these questions!! Q53: Will the people I tagged who answered seriously beat me up when they see me? Haha, no. Q54: I want to say to you: “Happiness. Forever,” so what do you want to say to me??? You too. Q55: Do you want love or life in your marriage? I want both love and life. Q56: Would you hug a very close friend of the opposite sex? Yes. Q56: One is them, the other is your original dream, which would you choose? My original dream, or maybe I’ll meet someone else in the future~ I won’t give up! Q57: If you had to choose between the person you love and your family, who would you choose? Family. Q58: Would you mind their past? I don’t know! Probably! Q59: What’s the thing you’re most proud of? The people around me being proud of me! Q60: Am I (the person who tagged you) a good person? What do you most want to say to me? What do you most want to do to me? You’re a good person!! “So many questions!”, grab your neck. Q61: Where would you take your boyfriend/girlfriend on the weekend? Somewhere we want to go. Q62: If your partner broke up with you one day, what would you do? Cry. Q63: What do you want to say right now? So annoying~~ Q64: What do you call your partner? Someone who responds to my name! Q65. Do you want to stay in Zhaoqing, Guangzhou for school, or go somewhere else? Stay in Guangzhou for school. Q66. If love and marriage aren’t going in the direction you want, would you stick with it or give up? Give up! Q67. If the person you love most never responds to you, would you give up and look for someone else? No! Not until it’s beyond repair! Q68. Can you live without love? Of course!! Q69. Are you always rational when in love? Mostly. Q70. Do you like being tagged? Usually when tagged, do you play this game seriously? Actually, yes, because it means someone is thinking of me! I’ll play seriously~~ Q71. When you have many ideas in your head but can’t realize them, what do you do? Take it slow!!! Q72. Do you often imagine what the future will be like? Have you thought about it with them? Yes~~~ Him???? Sigh… I don’t know!! Q72. Do you believe in dreams? Do you think they’re related to your real life? Half-believe, half-doubt. Q73: What’s the most touching thing you’ve ever heard in your life? I’ll always remember you, I won’t forget you. Q74: What’s the first thing you do when you feel happy? Hahahaha~~~… Or cry from being moved~~ Q75: Do you think endless chicken wings are delicious? Never had them!! Q76: Do you think your life has been fulfilling so far? Yes!! Q77: Would you forget your boyfriend/girlfriend’s birthday? If you did, what would you do to make them forgive you? I wouldn’t forget, but if I did! I’d make up for it with actions, make them happy! Q78: If the person you love doesn’t love you anymore, would you try to accept someone who loves you? I don’t know!!! Q79: If one day you suddenly found out the person you’ve been secretly in love with has a girlfriend, what would you do? Would you secretly love someone else? I’d choose to give up and cut off all connections with them!! I wouldn’t secretly love anyone else for a while, it’s too painful! Q80: Would you really always support me (the person who tagged you)? If I didn’t meet your standards, would you still? ————————————Happy Dividing Line—————————————————— Follow the game rules, play it well. Hope I can get and continue that happiness, hope the friends who continue can also get happiness and continue happiness… Game rules: 1. The tagged person must repost this article in their own space, then edit it, delete my answers, write their own answers in their Qzone, add one of their own questions, tag 15 people, notify them they’ve been tagged, and the tagged cannot refuse to answer the questions. Those who complete the game will be forever blessed by everyone. 2. These 15 people must note in their Qzone where they got the questions from, and think of a new question to tag 10 other people, continuing the happy game. 3. No tagging back, or you break the rules! 4. After filling out the answers, the tagged must notify the person who tagged them. 5. The tagged will be blessed by everyone, and all beautiful wishes will come true soon. Tagging: This is my first time playing this game, because before I thought it was too troublesome, but as long as you think your friends are thinking of you, they’ll tag you, so I’ll play~~ make some time for it~ Me~~ I won’t tag anyone~ I want to break the rules, because as long as you have each other in your hearts…

8，Wow!! In one night, I went from hell to heaven! 2009-04-24

Tonight was really the most emotionally turbulent night I’ve ever had!! In one night, I experienced the feeling of going from hell straight to heaven.

Ah!!!!! “Sigh”~~ then “Hmph” then “Speechless” then suddenly “Wow, wow, wow,” “How could you do this? You’re so bad!! How could this happen? Didn’t you forget?” I was so disappointed, but now I’m so touched!!! You women!!! I’ll remember you, remember how you treated me tonight~~~ I want to say to the beauties of 303: Thank you, I’m so touched!! (Your acting skills could win an Oscar!!)

Before tonight, Brother Shaoya, the martial arts champion, had already said he’d treat us to a late-night snack on the 23rd. I also remembered my forgotten birthday from two years ago!! Sigh~~ two years ago~~~ because they said they’d celebrate it with me this semester~ but they always forgot… No choice! I had to set a big day for myself!! “Let’s make it the 23rd, give you a chance to celebrate with me!” Since then, I’ve been telling them: “Remember! The 23rd is my big day!” Sigh, no reaction! No reaction! No reaction! No reaction!! Forget it! Heartbroken~, disappointed!! Forget it, it’s okay if they forgot. Everyone’s been busy lately~~ me too! So I didn’t really care…

But tonight…Late (on the 23rd) was the recruitment for legal aid, and Bucktooth kept complaining, worried that we wouldn’t give her time to treat us to a late-night snack! Because her celebration feast for winning the martial arts championship had been postponed again and again!! She kept asking me when we would finish tonight! Kept saying I had no heart!!! So strange, Ah Xuan was also going to help with the recruitment! Why not say anything about her!! It made me feel so guilty! All night during the interviews, I just wanted to leave quickly! Alright~~ at 9:50, Ah Xuan and I managed to slip away first!! To go to Bucktooth’s celebration feast!!

At the celebration feast—it was unbearable: Do you know? Do you know? I was so miserable! Oh heavens! How could they do this to me!!
First, all night during the late-night snack, these people kept urging me to eat, but their good intentions were because: I’m a bit chubby! I can eat a lot! Oh heavens~~~ I want to lose weight!!! Then, there was a plate of very greasy “stir-fried wet noodles” left almost untouched—we decided to play “spin the plate,” whoever it lands on has to eat it!! Haha, the first lucky one was “Ah Xuan,” “You’re so lucky~~ first to eat, the portion isn’t too big.” As the plate spun and spun, we all chanted “Bucktooth,” “Bucktooth”… but the final winner was “Little Cow”!! Then, while Bucktooth went to “settle the bill,” we directly spun the plate to her spot, and as soon as she came back, we forced her to eat! Truly a heroine among women!! After she finished that bowl of noodles! She wanted revenge! Next, she stuffed the bowl full, the next victim would be in for a very, very bad time! The plate spun and spun… we were all praying!! Oh heavens! It’s me!! It landed on me!!! It’s my turn to eat!!! Fine, eat it is! Anyway, I have the right to make the next bowl the fullest! I desperately finished the “stir-fried noodles” Bucktooth bestowed upon me! Good! Next, it’s my turn for revenge! Haha… the plate spun and spun, maybe I didn’t spin hard enough, or maybe it was fate!!! I actually spun it back to myself!! It landed on me again! Why is it me again! Oh heavens! Are you messing with me?? They said on the side, “You reap what you sow”! I said I was full! I can’t eat anymore! They wouldn’t allow it!! Said I “can’t handle the game”~ Oh heavens~~ have mercy on me~~ such a big bowl of noodles! So greasy! I’ve already eaten one bowl!! I didn’t want to eat, so they all attacked me, trampled on me!!!! Humph!! So miserable~~~ In the end, I still didn’t eat! Because it was just too greasy!! Hehe, but because of this, on the way back, I was drowned in their saliva!
Unintentionally, it came up that today was my big day! And they treated me like this~ sigh~~ my heart is broken! In the car, Bucktooth, Little Bear, and Ah Xuan even said they would buy a Xiqiao big cake, stick a candle in it, and have me eat it all by myself as a celebration, “Wuwu…”, so disappointing!!! Then after getting off the car, Minyi first accompanied Little Cow to bring something for Cow Brother to eat, while the other three escorted me to the central district snack bar to buy that “Xiqiao big cake”!!! And along the way, these three women, one after another, attacked me with their words!!! In the end, we still couldn’t buy the Xiqiao big cake, so we headed back! The best part is yet to come!! These three women even made me take out my own key to open the dorm door! Really something! So angry!!
As soon as I opened the door, wow wow wow wow!! A “cake” with lit candles was placed on the table! Turns out Little Cow and Minyi had already returned to the dorm!! Haha, they sang a birthday song for me~~ so touching!! At that moment, after experiencing the helplessness and anger from tonight’s late-night snack, I simply couldn’t believe it! I was so excited I screamed!! How could this be? Didn’t you all forget about my big day? Didn’t you not care at all? And you played with me so much tonight! Not a word about my big day! And kept pranking me~ how could you give me such a big surprise behind my back!!! So happy!! Honestly, it’s the first time so many people celebrated for me~ because my birthday is always during the summer vacation, so I never had a group of friends to celebrate with!! Wow! Such a beautiful cake! You bad women, you kept it so mysterious, never showed any reaction!! Such good acting!! Next, of course, was blowing out the candles and making a wish~~~ haha~~~
Then, Little Cow played another trick on me!! Made me run around in circles in the bathroom~~!! Turns out, turns out, they hid my birthday present in the bathroom!!! Haha~~ I really admire them!! Even the birthday present had to be a prank!! ANYWAY, I’m so happy! So touched!! Thank you all!! I know you were acting on purpose before! But you were so cruel~ kept it so well hidden~~ I thought you weren’t going to celebrate my birthday~~~ You women: Ah Xuan, Bucktooth, Little Pig, Little Cow, Minyi, are really too bad~ played with me so much tonight! But luckily, you still remembered my words, still remembered to make up for the birthday party! Hehe~~ and there’s also a “Panda”!! Thank you, beauties of 303~~ I’d rather die fat than not finish the cake!
Tonight, I experienced the feeling of rising from hell to heaven in one go, I will remember 303!! Pranked me until I almost cried, and then made me so touched~!!! 303, thank you again for your love! Tonight, I have “Panda” to sleep with~~ so happy~!

9, Stop? 2009-05-15

So tired, really tired, now with a headache, but I still want to write, because there’s so much accumulated in my heart… After all, it’s rare to have such free time, not having to reserve the next moment for the one after.
I rarely said I was tired before, because I thought being busy meant being fulfilled, but recently I’ve been telling myself, you have so much to do, you’re really busy enough, yes, actually I’m very afraid to seriously think—what exactly am I busy with? Anyway, I have to do it, even if it’s annoying, even if it’s disappointing, happy or unhappy, I have to do it, because there’s really something called—responsibility. I think I’m so masochistic, no matter what position I’m in, once I choose, I must do my best, actually this is very tiring, you know? It’s impossible to be perfect… I know, I just can’t help it…
I find that I can never stop, if it’s not work, then it’s for friends’ matters, accompanying them to play, to shop, to chat, of course I also often harass them, to bother them, because with you, I have energy, I can calm down, so, thank you all my friends around me. I’m not great, but I will try my best to help my friends, I will support my friends very much, since childhood, friendship has always been second… I hope my friends around me are happy, because I care about you, I only get angry with people I care about, so, please forgive my willfulness.
Right, right, I haven’t recorded it all along, I remember being so excited at that time, I remember having so much to say, but I just never stopped, so I can only vent now, although it’s been a long time, it’s the last activity of our organization department—the series of activities of the Political and Law Cup, the Party Knowledge Competition, which is also the closing ceremony of the Political and Law Cup. Now it’s all over, maybe the feeling is not as strong as it was at the beginning, but the feeling of following the whole activity from the stage will not be forgotten, I don’t want any mistakes in the whole activity, I just want our department—the organization department to succeed. I still remember, at that time my nerves were tense, because this time we used 4 monitors, a laptop, we could use one laptop to control all the contestants’ and host’s monitors, this is a very high technical content, during the competition, because of the performance of the skit, the equipment had a problem—short circuit. But we all held on until the end, we desperately completed it, the activity ended with different voices, but when I heard many people say it was good, I was comforted, although I clearly knew the problems. That night I only knew I had to laugh until the end… Here I want to thank every member of the organization department: Ah Qiu, my good partner who cooperated and helped me, Vegetable Seller and Big A, these two technical directors, and Ah Si, this capable assistant, careful and stubborn Ah Qiong, obedient Gui Jie, smart De Zhi, and all the junior brothers and sisters who contributed, the cooperation of the entertainment department and the sports department… Finally, Secretary Zeng and Liu Jiayou’s encouragement and understanding, I still remember that night after the activity ended, we secretly planned—Ah Qiong’s birthday party. When singing the birthday song, I choked up, you are so bad, every time I sing the birthday song, I sing loudly, only this time. Because it’s not just the feeling of blessing Ah Qiong, at that time, mixed feelings, before and after, we prepared for a month… Everyone’s feelings are more than that.
Our organization department’s junior brothers and sisters, you must become more and more mature, I hope to see you constantly improving, to see the organization department becoming more and more mature. Recently everyone has a lot of things, don’t sink anymore, be more positive…
It turns out that miracles really exist in the world, as long as you don’t give up… I finally found it back. Thank you Ah BEE, O(∩_∩)O understanding is great, I remember a friend said this, so don’t get angry easily… Alright, I won’t write anymore, it’s endless, the more I write, the more there is… Can’t stop, can’t stop, still have to move forward.

10, “Fit Lover” 2008-11-29

This movie was known under a chance, subtle situation, really unexpected!~~~ Fresh out of the oven~~ everyone must not miss it~~ Really want to go to the cinema to watch it~~~ Recommendation: On November 28, 2008, “Fit Lover,” English name , was released nationwide, firing the first shot of the holiday season. Recently, the film has received strong support from eight major cinema chains including China Film Stellar, Beijing Wanda, Shanghai United, China Film Southern New Line, New Film Association, Pearl River Jinyi, Zhejiang Times, and Sichuan Pacific. “Fit Lover” is jointly produced by Pegasus Taihe and China Film, the story tells the love story of the heroine Lin Jiaxin with 12 men, 12 “lovers” covering all walks of life, 12 handsome men Deng Chao, Fan Wei, Huang Lei, Huang Xiaoming, Tong Dawei, Lu Yi, Gu Juji, Nie Yuan, Su Youpeng, Hosokawa Naoki, Lin Shen, Zhang Junning and other roles will perform a series of wonderful love stories with Lin Jiaxin. “Fit Lover” has its own irreplaceable characteristics, humorous content, gathering many idol stars, insisting on highlighting the comedy style, a large number of取材现实生活,着力塑造社会典型人物,丰富呈现2008年的社会百态,而且时尚浪漫,是与其他同类片不同的喜剧方式。因此,被视为今年贺岁档的“领跑者”,无论是片方还是院线,都十分看重。去年,《爱情呼叫转移》非常叫座,作为“续集”的《爱情左灯右行》制作规模、演员阵容强大,影片宣传声势浩大,观众和媒体的关注度非常高,因此市场前景非常乐观。届时全国八大院线将联手为这部电影在贺岁片档期“保驾护航”,以打造贺岁片市场的开门红。

11, The Joy of Living Together 2009-01-20

“3” has always been my favorite number, and it’s my lucky number, maybe it’s fate, in high school it was class 303, dormitory 303, now it’s dormitory 303 again, you say, isn’t it spooky?? Haha Before the exams, I wanted to record it immediately, because I was really happy, it felt good, I like 303, after the exams, I need to record it even more… Now let me introduce everyone》》》》 Number one: Xuan Xuan (Weaver Girl, her favorite song is “Peach Blossoms Blooming”(>^ω^<)), the most virtuous and gentle in the dorm! Number three: Ah Ya (King Kong, haha! Loves watching “super women,” this tooth, the most nagging, always chattering! So annoying!-_-|||) But she’s our beloved tooth, tooth, here’s a “Colgate” for you! Number four: Little Bear (Little Pig, transformation successful! Keep working hard!~(≧▽≦)/haha), this bear dances really well! Number five: Si Hui (nicknamed Cow, wow haha, she’s amazing, just eating grass can produce milk, (^o^)/), hehe, don’t hit me… Number six: Min Yi (the only one in our dorm without a nickname, so envious……ˇ?ˇ), but she often goes out 303, I think this dorm has the most beauties, and, the most who already have owners, hehe! Now we in 303 have been living together for almost two years, but this semester, I feel the happiest, everyone understands each other more, gets along very well, especially at the end of the semester, under the painful and grueling exams of our law studies, fortunately, the dorm still often produces jokes, hehe, but it doesn’t mean we’re not diligent, the dorm is still for living, every day with so much pressure, it’s dizzying!! Although I know I’m the one with the most nicknames in the dorm, they for some reason, can relate anything to me! I find that I just do a simple thing, they can also use it to joke, really, they are the same… Let me tell you our stories》》hehe “Cow” often repeats very IN songs in the dorm, like “Will You Be My Wife”… she says this is from KUGOU’s top 100 new songs, hehe, really admire… during exam review period, Cow and I must have grown a lot, because we always say “Shall we go see what’s to eat first?”, we will peel chestnuts in the canteen… actually Cow is very humorous, when we are together we often joke, and she’s straightforward! And a bit pervertedhehe “Ah Ya,” this tooth usually eats the least, because she says she’s full after eating a few dried plums! And she usually acts like a “housekeeper” in the dorm! “Oh, XXX, you again…, how many times have I said…”. During the exam period, she also started a “spot the difference” craze in the dorm! And after the exams, we had a showdown! That day after the intellectual property exam, Ah Ya and I had our two-person time, playing “spot the difference” until we went crazy… actually Ah Ya is a kind tooth! “Weaver Girl,” this year’s birthday was the happiest for her! Besides our dorm, there was also the big star Ah Niu accompanying her! And a pink big nightgown delivered by express! She looks really like the heroine in “Legally Blonde” when she wears it! Xuan Xuan is my upper bunk! Hehe~~ sleeping above me is quite well-behaved, doesn’t often wake me up, because the chance of her waking up earlier than me is almost zero… but her “Beethoven Symphony” is really powerful… this beauty, actually very virtuous and gentle, although she doesn’t look like it! Haha! “Little Pig,” she~~~ this year is immersed in her Platonic sweetness! On her birthday, the male lead was really romantic, spray painting posters…, her bed also has a bear that looks just like her! Hehe~~ really like two sisters! When she plays “spot the difference,” she tells me to find it quickly, I say “Don’t be nervous, soon,” then she says I stopped talking, standing next to her motionless! I often watch her “second-hand TV”…~~hehe~~ Little Bear, this year before the holiday, we won’t watch horror movies together again! “Min Yi,” she is the lady in our dorm who is often not seen, because her home is nearby, and she’s also a sweet girl! She’s also a very obedient girl, changes as soon as told~~~hehe~~ in the dorm, almost no nicknames! But can’t run out often in the future~~~, in 303, we have to spend four years together~~ actually this one is an experienced “expert”!! Will ask for advice when there’s a chance! This semester, our dorm celebrated several beauties’ birthdays, they are really lucky, hard for me born in the hot summer!

12, Three Going to the Countryside 2008-09-21

2008-7-18 Simplified~~~~ Today’s morning class is the last day of classes, the children all listened especially attentively, from their eyes, I saw reluctance, some girls couldn’t even speak, especially the four beauties, I saw Xiao Qi’s eyes redden, my heart ached for her the most, the feelings in my heart are indescribable, although we only knew each other for a few days… In the afternoon, all the members of the three going to the countryside and all the children went crazy taking photos to remember! This day, our smiles were captured by countless cameras, so happy! Took so many photoshaha~~~ the children were the happiest!! After taking photos, we went back to the classroom to hold our farewell party, they said I must have a lot to say, I thought so too before, and indeed had a lot in my heart, but it turns out not to be like this, when that day came, this moment, I found that the feelings in my heart were hard to express~~~ Chu Jie also came up to give a few golden sentences we gave gifts to the children~~ and asked them to sing “Invisible Wings” again, do those three sign languages again, especially doing “I am strong, no tears,” they shouted very loudly, actually we all were, seeing their eyes red~~ actually we all were… Later we all sang “Tomorrow Will Be Better” together, the scene was really warm… this is why I miss the days of three going to the countryside, including people and things… 2008-7-19 Today is the whole team’s three going to the countryside home visit action! We divided into several groups to set off, the investigation group with Yao Yao sister, Gui Gui sister all went mountain climbing~~ Yao Yao said it’s a pity we didn’t go mountain climbing` I think so too~~ but along the way we also had a lot of fun~ we went to many children’s homes~~ ate peanuts that every family has at their homes, and took photos~~, the children’s families saw a big group of brothers and sisters coming, all warmly received us, talked about their children’s situations~~ this day was very hot, the sun was especially fierce, the roads we walked were also very muddy, our shoes all got very dirty. But, happy, unhappy, emotional, unforgettable, only we know, are our feelings the same? Brothers and sisters~~ remember, Lian Qi, Xiao Ling carved their names on stones, then gave them to me~ remember, Xiao Bao brother also carved my name at my request, is it too greedy?? I think so too, but I know my love for every child can’t be equal, I really want to be very good to “them”~~ sigh~ miss it so much~~ although IIt’s already September 21st as I continue writing this~~ It’s been a long, long time since I last wrote… That night, our teaching support group agreed that we would stay up all night writing letters and chatting. Xiaobao, Yaoyao, and Xiaoqing were the most impressive, as they stayed up until the very end. As for Jiayu, Xiaogui, and me, we really missed Mr. Zhou! But I still managed to hold out until 4 AM! (I think it was 4 AM, haha, it should be!)

2008-7-20
We all got up very early today, or rather, it felt like none of us had slept at all~~~ The kids really kept their promise and came early. The boys were still into playing, but I knew there was something different about them today. The girls knew we were leaving and were very reluctant to let us go~~ But we still had to leave~~ We packed our luggage quickly… This was the last time we would play with you~, take photos~ Okay! Let’s take them! The last time I’ll carry you on my back~ Okay! The last time I’ll see your faces~~ The 7 days are over now, and what we said about eventually leaving has come true~~~ Here, take my cup, my bottle, my whistle, my big handprint, don’t you dare dislike them!! (Haha, after I got back, Dapeng called me and said I didn’t give him any snacks, just a whistle. Then I asked if he had thrown it away, and he immediately blew it over the phone, haha~~ You still like it~~ Such a cute, chubby Dapeng! Always thinking about food~ Just like me~~~ Haha~~)

The bus finally arrived, and we really had to go back~~ You all should go home, but I knew you wouldn’t~~ No matter how much we tried to persuade you, you kept following us. We said, “Alright, just walk us a little further, but only to that point~~~” At that time, Xiaoqing and I were walking at the back, while everyone else was ahead. I knew we were slowing everyone down~~ The survey team thought we weren’t being rational~ I know! Sorry about that~~~ Xiaoqing was even more reluctant to leave than I was~~~ Let’s go···· We really have to go·~~ We can’t keep doing this·~~ I told myself·~~ “Lianqi, it’s time to go home~~” This girl, she cried~ She knew I had told her to be strong, not to cry, to be confident, and to work hard. I was the most reluctant to leave her, I really liked her, and seeing you cry, I cried too~~ But I wouldn’t let you notice·~~ I’m your teacher after all, even if my abilities aren’t quite there yet~~~~

We got on the bus~~ They didn’t follow us anymore~~~ They all went home, right·~~~ I sat on the speeding bus, opened all the curtains, and wanted to take one last good look at Luoding, this unforgettable place. I wanted to properly reminisce about these 7 days~~ Looking at your mountains, I could see your houses from so far away…… Luckily, there was no one sitting next to me at first~ I could let loose……

“Rainbow!”, “The moonlight is more beautiful than at our north campus”, “You all should go home now”, “Give me back my phone!!”, “Hmph, don’t call me fat!!”, “You have to remember what I said”, “Confident girls are more beautiful”, “Did you have enough to eat?”, “I told you I ate a lot!”, “I want to take a photo with you!”, “Is it delicious?"…… “Can you stop keeping your unhappiness inside, okay?”, “It’s your turn~~ I’ll watch the fire”, “Help me boil some water!”, “Wait for me, let’s walk together~~”, “Haha, thank you~~~”, “No way~~ I have so much to say~~ Sigh·~ Actually……”

Alright~~~ I just kept my promise. We said we would record our 7-day rural teaching trip and post it on QQ space, then visit each other’s pages~~~ It’s finally done, and now it feels truly complete. I’ve finally fulfilled my wish.

If you’re passing by, do you find this annoying? Haha, it’s okay· It’s just me fulfilling my own promise~~~ Next year’s rural teaching trip, if you have the chance, go~~~ I believe your feelings will be deeper and more profound than mine……

Sometimes, I really wonder if I did something wrong. I find myself getting too attached to the kids. I really want to take care of every child, even though I know this makes the final goodbye even harder. In the end, I’m afraid I’ll be even more reluctant to part with them. I can’t bear to refuse them and really want to fulfill their requests at that moment.

Today, a boy “bullied” a girl. This chubby boy is called “Guobin” (later I found out he’s actually very smart and likable). The kids around him said he always bullies girls and thought he was a bad student. Some students even egged him on, encouraging him to fight! This little boy seemed very fierce and angry on the surface, but in the end, he cried. He was crying while wandering around the students who disliked him, crying and cursing, crying and hitting. I don’t think he’s a bad student at all, just a little boy who doesn’t know better, just like other kids who want to be loved and need care and understanding. I don’t want him to live with all the blame, with everyone thinking he’s an incorrigible troublemaker, when in fact, he’s not. We shouldn’t have preconceived notions, thinking he’s bad from the start. It’s just that the environment around him makes him feel unwelcome, and he’s often forced into situations where he can’t release his emotions. He hit someone in front of us, then cried, which actually shows his inner vulnerability and need for care……

Now, Xiaoqi and I have been corresponding. Whenever she sends me a letter, I reply immediately~ She really moves me, and I like her a lot. Her face has a classical beauty, she’s kind but a bit shy and timid. She wishes I were her real sister, and I really want that too. I would definitely care for her. That silly girl even asked if I would hate her~~~ Honestly, I’m growing to like everyone from our rural teaching trip more and more. Although I still don’t know some of their names, we communicate very well. Some people are really good at taking care of others, very considerate. Also, I noticed that besides our teaching support group getting along well with the kids, the survey and logistics groups also enjoy playing with the kids. The boys in our team act like big kids when playing with them, creating many heartwarming scenes.

I slept until past 2 PM, but my mind was clear the whole time, and I couldn’t fall asleep. I’ve been severely sleep-deprived these past few days! Just as I was struggling in bed, some older students, probably middle schoolers, came to the classroom to cause trouble. They set off smoke bombs and wrote some unpleasant things. I really regret not being there at the time. If I had been, I would have taught them a lesson!

2008-7-17
This afternoon’s second class was still full of singing, but this was the last second class. Sister Xiaoqing taught the kids sign language for “Invisible Wings.” We, the older brothers and sisters who didn’t know it, also sang along and learned the sign language from A Chai and Xiaoqing, but now I’ve forgotten it^_^ Xiaoqing specifically taught three signs for them to show at tomorrow’s farewell party: “I always have a pair of invisible wings,” “I am strong, I don’t shed tears,” and “I love you”…… (Since we taught them this song, the kids often sing it with us after school, during evening playtime, when we gather in a circle……) Meanwhile, some boys prefer to play outside the classroom. They learn martial arts from Yaoyao and Xiaogui! They even took on a few little disciples!

The sky in Luoding is really beautiful, especially at night. The moon is particularly bright and clear. The kids said it’s okay to play a bit later because the moonlight lights the way…… Haha, every night after hanging clothes on the fourth-floor balcony with Sister Yaoyao, we would stop to admire the beautiful moon, chat, and most happily, sing~~ Because it’s so high up, no one can hear us. But this night was special, and neither of us will easily forget it. That night, we opened our hearts to each other for the first time, revealing ourselves so openly. After knowing her for so long, it was the first time we hugged and cried together. For the first time, she let go of her strength in front of me, and her voice touched my heart. As I listened……, useless as I was, I couldn’t find the right words to comfort her, so I just lent her my shoulder. We seemed to share the same pain, finally letting go of the burdens we had been carrying. But what I “hate” is that Yaoyao always keeps her unhappiness to herself, always using her smile to infect those around her, while hiding her own vulnerability~~ You can come to me anytime, you’re different from others, understand? Just thinking about bringing happiness to others, friends should share each other’s troubles~~ Haha·~ That night, she trusted me. Actually, I’ve always been selfish, always telling her about my unhappiness, letting her comfort me. It seems I really need to learn to heal myself. Later, Sister Guigui came up·~ At that point, we really had to pretend~ Because crying is enough, we can’t let our tears flow so freely. Haha~~ Her arrival brought us good spirits. I love Guigui’s eyebrows the most~~ So cute! Actually, I know that despite her childlike demeanor, she also had her own troubles and unhappiness during these 7 days of rural teaching. Haha, but Sister Yaoyao knows her better. I just hope she stays happy~~ At least I believe I brought some happiness to Guigui! o(∩_∩)o… Haha, right?

That night, we also had to correct the kids’ essays, and our eyes were very tired. Besides our teaching support group, A Chai and Chujie were also there. Now I finally know why I always saw him around~ Haha~~ After reading their essays, each of us left comments, and we discovered many issues~~~ It’s easy to spot copied essays, no wonder our teachers always said, “Don’t copy essays, I’ll know,” it’s really true! Yaoyao and I were the last to sleep, but eventually, even Yaoyao couldn’t stay awake anymore~~~~

Today was the first day of class, mainly focusing on the kids’ self-introductions and us trying to get along with them, listening to what they needed! They came to school very early in the morning, eager to start class~ Although I knew some of them were just there to play~ I was really happy inside~~ Seeing their enthusiastic, innocent, and adorable smiles, I realized even more that we were their teachers, their older brothers and sisters here to teach them (but after 7 days, I felt more like their sister than their teacher, is that good or bad? I don’t know), our passion was ignited……

The first time I saw the kids doing morning exercises, their movements were so cute! They were from different grades, but mostly fourth grade and above. They were very serious, trying to catch the attention of us older brothers and sisters. They probably wanted us to watch them moreo(∩_∩)o. In the morning, we first explained to the students why we were here, and each member of the teaching support group introduced themselves to the kids~~ They loved asking our ages! Yaoyao and I are both from Xiqiao, so of course, we talked about Xiqiao Mountain Yaoyao even promoted our Xiqiao cakes! When Brother Xiaobao supplemented their patriotic knowledge—about Taiwan—some of them didn’t even know there was a place in China called “Taiwan”! Looks like their geography needs some serious improvement! This was my first time being a teacher, and luckily, it was for elementary school students!^_^ When they listened to me speaking, their curiosity and seriousness made me feel proud, like, “Wow, I’m a teacher!” Haha~~! Then it was the kids’ turn to introduce themselves one by one. Maybe they had never tried introducing themselves in front of others before. They didn’t know how to introduce themselves or organize their thoughts to say what they wanted. So we kept asking questions, one after another, and they answered, very shy and passive! Sometimes, I didn’t want to ask anymore, I wanted them to speak on their own, no matter what they said~ I didn’t want them to develop a passive habit~~ Sister Jiayu kept the momentum going~~ Very patiently asking questions to avoid awkward situations! But there was also a phenomenon, Xiaoling, this excellent fifth-grade student, actually rigidly answered our questions, “My hobbies are…… My favorite colors are…… My family members are……” Very stiff~~ But it was still good~ She managed to say so much on her own~~! She was better than many other kids~ Her dream is to be a flight attendant!

After this round of self-introductions, I noticed that most of them lacked confidence! Especially those little girls about to enter middle school~~ (So when replying to their letters, I always emphasized that confident girls are more beautiful^_^) We also gave them small notebooks, with a few words of encouragement and our thoughts. They couldn’t wait to open them and read! They also eagerly asked for our contact information, and some girls even made their own “contact lists”~~!

PS: We were really lucky with the food! Thanks to “Xiaoying” and “Xiaobao,” our two chefs! Our meals were great! So my plan to “lose weight” during this trip is now ruined~! Holding a big bowl of rice, with the mountains right in front of us, it felt like being close to nature! So fragrant~~……

2008-7-15
This was my first official day of teaching~ And it was English! Since my English isn’t great, and our loud Sister Xiaoqing had a sore throat, I had to take the lead. So for this first class, I prepared very seriously. I thought, I really want to teach them something in these 7 days, I can’t be careless. The feeling of standing on the podium, using all my energy and patience to teach the kids English, is truly unforgettable. During class, the students’ enthusiasm and active participation were the best responses, giving me even more confidence to teach! The students were from various grades, with fifth and sixth graders being more well-behaved~~ They listened attentively and took notes, while second, third, and fourth graders were more mischievous~~ Especially the boys! Like Dacheng and Dapeng, they often left their seats for no reason and called other teachers over during class~ It was just small things, playing around…… And some younger girls seemed not to understand what I was saying, preferring to do their own thing, daydreaming~~~ So during class, I really had to balance both sides, I couldn’t just focus on the attentive older students and forget about the playful younger ones who were also in class!

Since this day, our teaching support group’s older brothers and sisters have been receiving letters from the kids (most of them said they liked us and didn’t want us to leave so soon~) Of course, we had to reply immediately! So every night, besides discussing and preparing for the next day’s classes, we had another important task—replying to letters! That’s why we often didn’t have time to write our own diaries! We also received small gifts from them, like paper cranes, little fish~ and even peanuts! Actually, I feel that getting closer to them is our greatest achievement! Because of these kids, we realized how innocent they are and how much they need adult care. Through them, we rediscovered the lost innocence and simple love~~ Because of them, our 6-member teaching support group spent every day in happiness~~, and left the most beautiful memories of this summer…… Every afternoon after school, the kids didn’t want to go home so quickly. They would play at school, suddenly jump on your back, or ask to take photos with your phone~ They just didn’t want to go home~ But this would worry their families, so we gradually avoided being too enthusiastic after school, afraid they would cling to us too much~~ Some kids took a long time just to say “Byebye,” no matter how much we talked, we just couldn’t part with them~~! Alright~ We would walk them a bit and then let them go home on their own~~!

But that night, an unexpected incident made my mood very heavy. Because we sent Xueli home very late (due to sending Dongquan home first), Xueli’s parents scolded us harshly. We girls stood outside their door, explaining and apologizing, but they were so rude, shutting us out and even calling us liars! Sigh! It hurt! We genuinely wanted to teach the kids~~ In the end, we had to walk back to school. It was already dark, and only a few of us girls were on the dark, unfamiliar village road, using flashlights. I was actually a bit scared! (Later, we also learned that the security here is very poor, and many women here were trafficked!) The villagers’ education level is too low, and their misunderstanding could affect the entire team! But later, time proved everything. For us outsiders, did they really see us as kind and caring?

PS: Today, I stayed up until 3 AM! Because I was chatting with Sister Yaoyao and Brother Xiaobao! The three of us talked about everything until 3 AMo(∩_∩)o… Haha, the more we talked, the more energetic we got, not tired at all, very happy! For some reason, since that night, the 6 of us stayed up very late every night! On the last day, we even stayed up all night! (We were severely sleep-deprived, but the air quality in Luoding is good, and our meals were great So we still had plenty of energy^_^)

2008.7.13
Today at 8 AM, we took a bus to our destination. Along the way, we passed many highways, and I remember crossing many bridges, with the most memorable being the Jinma Bridge. As the bus sped along, our 22-member team got closer and closer to our destination. The bus was quite quiet, but Sister Yaoyao and I never stopped talking. The entire 5-hour journey was filled with our chatter (Yaoyao is my classmate from middle school, high school, and now university, and we’re even in the same major, what a coincidence!). We kept talking, not feeling tired at all~~ We really amazed ourselves with our ability to talk.

Maybe because we saw many tall buildings along the way, it still felt like the city, not remote or backward at all. I wasn’t excited, just calm, with a bit of anticipation, because this wasn’t a vacation! But after a few hours, we arrived in Yunfu, surrounded by mountains, and it really felt like the countryside! This place is famous for its “stone materials,” and those mountains are great for quarrying, filled with various types of stones. I remember some of the stone names……It’s quite amusing, you might think it’s food! ^^ The rocks on the mountain are white, and from a distance, they look like the fighting scenes from martial arts TV dramas~~ The car kept winding along the mountain road into the village. After a long ride, we finally arrived at Luoding Luoxing Jincheng Primary School, a school nestled among the mountains! It turns out, the environment here is not bad at all! The scenery is beautiful, with fields to admire, and compared to the air in the north campus, it’s simply a treat! The classrooms are not too shabby, and the luckiest part is that we stayed in the teachers’ dormitory, which wasn’t too bad, and sleeping on mats was quite comfortable! As soon as we arrived, we immediately started moving things around, tidying up everything! Our teammates were very proactive~ Everyone cooperated well, and we worked super fast! We settled in very quickly! → Team spirit After we all packed our luggage, Xiaoqing and I went to the homes of the chattering children who had surrounded us (they were very shy when they first saw us!). It was my first time entering their village, and what made me laugh was that the children said their homes were not far from the school, only 5-10 minutes away, but I found out that their “5 minutes” was actually equivalent to our usual 20-minute walk! Although the path was really hard to walk on and our shoes got very dirty, Xiaoling and the others kept holding our hands, eager for us to reach their homes quickly and worried that we might find the walk tiring, so we followed them closely, our big footsteps closely following their small ones… When we arrived at Xiaoling’s house, she showed Xiaoqing and me her collection of little things, typical of girls~~~ I was surprised to find that Xiaoling’s home had an automatic mahjong machine and even air conditioning~~ But it was only for her father’s use, which was a bit of a surprise! I thought such advanced equipment wouldn’t appear here, and it’s not really that backward~~ Moreover, these kids are quite “IN,” they listen to pop songs and even asked us if we could sing “Expecting Your Love”!! Along the way, we saw the children’s parents and villagers, their eyes always on us, seemingly surprised, but still warmly greeted us, feeling very simple~~~ For their children and families, no matter how tough the conditions, they persevere, enduring through it all… Although the children here are very young, they often, almost daily, have to help with farm work at home! Their small backs carry heavy burdens, children of eight or nine years old go to cut rice, chop firewood… No wonder they are so small but so strong, it’s because they’ve trained for it! Their childhood memories are probably all occupied by labor! Since we arrived, they wanted to come to school every day, but their families needed them to work, so they looked forward to rainy days every day, because~~ when it rains, they don’t have to cut rice. Every day they face farmland and mountains, the things they do are almost the same every day, life is very primitive, the pace is slow, without the noise, hypocrisy, and complexity of the city, of course, without the high-end living facilities, skyscrapers, entertainment venues, the hustle and bustle and color of the city… What’s here is green fields, fresh air, and if you’re not careful, you might step on some “good stuff” on the ground (Xiaoqing once fell for it! Hehe). So if you ask me, would I be willing to come to this quiet, comforting small mountain area? I think I wouldn’t~~ Although the 7 days of life were really happy~ But it’s precisely because I’ve experienced such a life that I will cherish everything I currently have even more, strive to improve myself, and create a better life! There’s still a long road ahead! However, occasionally returning to nature, to this kind of pastoral life is not bad~~ The air is fresh enough~ It can relax the body and mind… 2008.7.13-7.20 The journey of the three rural visits A week’s journey of the three rural visits ended like this, what I didn’t expect was that what was left for us was such beautiful, happy memories (envious, right! ^^), and what was brought to those children was also their beautiful memories, at least letting them know that the brothers and sisters from outside the mountains care for them so much! Actually, they are just like the children in the city, they all love to play and be loved. Our destination was Luoxing Primary School in Fenjie Town, Luoding City, which is in Luoding City, not Yunfu City! I originally thought Luoding belonged to Yunfu City, but it turns out they are separate now~~ Past Yunfu is Luoding! Was it good luck, or did we imagine it too badly at the beginning? Actually, the environment here is not as bad as imagined or rumored, at least we slept in the teachers’ dormitory! However, the teachers’ dormitory and the students’ classrooms are in the same building, all in this only teaching building, with classrooms just next door! This 4-story teaching building houses 6 classrooms (one class per grade), an office, teachers’ dormitory and kitchen~~ And the toilet is isolated far away! Very inconvenient~~! So when we girls go to the toilet, we go in a group, hehe, actually we all go together, it’s safer with male comrades around~~~ We ring the bell for class, for meals, and even for going to the toilet! o(∩∩)o… Haha, I really like ringing that bell! It’s quite fun! Now the deepest feeling is that I’ve met a group of friends, a group of children! Especially the 5 brothers and sisters from the teaching group, this three rural visits activity was divided into three groups: teaching, investigation, logistics (I was in the teaching group, the children called me “Meimei sister”~~ so warm! ^^ and Yaoyao sister, Xiaoqing sister, Jiayu sister, Xiaogui sister, and Xiaobao brother, the only male teacher, who was very popular with the girls from the start~~ received a lot of letters~~ But we all received quite a few!) The six of us were of one heart, very happy, very fortunate… Xiaoqing sister and I taught English (English is Xiaoqing sister’s strong point), Yaoyao sister and Xiaobao brother taught moral education (this lesson is the most important), actually within 7 days we really couldn’t teach the children much professional knowledge, we just wanted to educate and guide them in thought, (haha, maybe, because of our appearance, their fate was changed from then on o(∩_∩)o just kidding~~, but they really like us!! Now that we’re back, they call from time to time, and some are even preparing to write letters to us!) And Xiaogui sister and Jiayu sister taught Chinese——their advantage (their Mandarin is standard, at least better than mine, in 7 days, they used their identity as Chinese teachers to correct my Mandarin! So frustrating!) This time our three rural visits team consisted of 22 people, 22 people helped and cared for each other, living in Luoding for 7 days, although it was only a short 7 days, but who would have known that we would meet and get to know each other like this? In an unfamiliar environment, the spirit of mutual love was reflected in this activity! Our teaching group worked together with the other two groups~~ We left our footprints in Luoding, the moon here is very beautiful and bright~~~~, we ate together every day, chatted after meals… The most important thing is that in the teaching group, meeting the 5 brothers and sisters was really a kind of fate, hmm! I will cherish it, will remember it… I am really happy!! Recalling these 7 days is sweet, although I know there were still some unhappy moments~~~~ Now I miss you every day… What was the 7-day journey of the three rural visits like?

13, Cannot Give Up 2008-06-22

【Can we not be brave? When the wound is too deep, the heart too sour, and we can’t bear it anymore. Even if it’s trendy for women to be open-minded now, as if they know how to handle any predicament. Can we not be brave? When love is too tiring, dreams too chaotic, and there’s no answer. Can’t we just cry out loud and honestly…】 Cannot not be brave, cannot give up. The first time…, so silly, timidly facing it, then just treat it as a conversation, let the unfamiliar me be remembered a little by others, at least this counts as a little gain… The second time…, although it was too ugly before, too embarrassing, but I still bravely raised my head. The encouragement from friends around me is the source of my confidence, I believe, I am confident, but at the critical moment, I got nervous, I was discovered to be hiding my nervousness, I thought I wouldn’t be nervous, I thought I was so confident and generous… Finally realized, can’t always rely on others to heal my wounds, you are so not strong… That place is not the only place to prove yourself, nor is it a place to measure your scale, even less a place to satisfy your vanity! Really, that place should be, actually still is, a place for you to serve others, carrying a sense of responsibility to venture. Maybe it’s really taken too seriously, that’s why the balance of power was lost, that’s why the affirmation of others is needed to affirm oneself, maybe once hurt like that, so persistent, unable to let go of what should be let go, that’s why I don’t understand that without any embellishment is the most beautiful self, confidence, no need to deliberately set up, but you yourself overcome yourself, give yourself strength. The most important, the most realistic, is still to learn to change, learn to summarize the wrong footprints, take action! Can’t forget that your main task is to irrigate a forest, not a fleeting flower… Action, what I need most is action, make up for what’s lost, chase back what I want, fill what I need PS: I find that when the heart is tired, it’s easy to get sick, and it’s hard to get better!

14, A.M 2008-05-16

“Are we really not a good match? Our voices together are not suitable at all? We really shouldn’t be a group…” On the evening of May 14th, Xiaoqing and I went to the “Mengniu Sour Sour Milk - Run to Beijing, Achieve Music Dream” audition, we two formed a group ——A.M, went on stage together to sing “Magic”. We only practiced a bit before the competition~~ really rushed~~~ At that time, I was really scared. But I still had confidence, because Xiaoqing was there·~ Singing with her, I’m not afraid~~~ We practiced together, trying to cooperate~ to have chemistry. But after we finished singing, the judge commented, he said, when we two sang together, our voices were very similar, very blended, very much like one person’s voice, but a group is not like this, there needs to be ups and downs in the voice, there needs to be a distinction to highlight our individual styles. Then he asked us to sing the climax part again. I don’t remember clearly what he exactly said, but in the end, our result was——pending, meaning we had to go through a PK round. We got off the stage, our mood was heavy, now I know our voices are not compatible, our group is not as harmonious as I originally thought, I’m very disappointed~ because I thought we two were very suitable for singing together, but it turns out it’s not like this! I also hate myself for not being calm enough at that time~~ I found that if Xiaoqing went up to sing by herself, her result should not be pending~~ definitely would have made it~!! We kept practicing the song for the PK round——Feather, in the backstage~ we asked people to give us advice, to be honest, at that time I had no confidence at all, also very confused, should we still continue to go up as a group for the PK? This way should not work, right?~ Sigh~ just forget it·~ practice well first~~ go up and then talk~~! Honestly~ during our PK, I heard my own singing voice trembling a bit~~~ Is this a sign of no confidence? And Xiaoqing next to me was very calm! She was very confident! Not afraid at all! Luckily she was there~ by my side~~ When the judge announced the list of successful PKs again, I actually had no expectations for the result, nor did I care much~· anyway, it’s over·~~ But unexpectedly, we actually made it, we were the last to be announced!! He said considering we were the only group in the whole venue, very special! I don’t know if this reason is good or bad, anyway, we made it! o(∩_∩)o… Haha o so happy!!! Really didn’t expect us to make it!! Really beyond my expectations~~ I want to thank her——A, it’s because of her~~ we could make it! I have a great partner!! And also cheering for us from the audience——L, one of our “M.A.L” members! She had something to do, so she didn’t participate, actually I really wanted her to participate too!! So happy~~ actually our group is not incompatible·~~ we just need to go through the磨合 period~~ cooperate well~~~! “Because we two are good friends, that’s why we came to participate, as a group——A.M” I remember that’s what I told the judge!! I will work hard, because I like singing

14, Earthworm Night~!! 2008-04-28

Tonight was really a close call! No! It was really dangerous! There were so many earthworms~! Fat earthworms, thin earthworms, old ones, young ones, also “beautiful” ones, ugly ones… all kinds, a complete variety! I saw them all! Really blessed… Tonight, almost at 11 o’clock, Xiaoqing and I, two silly girls, were walking alone on the school road outside Nanhai College, talking as we walked~~ Suddenly, Xiaoqing screamed (in my ear), I knew something was wrong~~~ Wow!! I turned my head to look at the ground!! Wow! I saw a very fat “earthworm” stretching and curling on the ground, crawling and crawling! Such a fat earthworm, I really haven’t seen before! My first reaction was that it was a snake! I shouted “Snake, snake!” Scared Huang Xiaoqing stood still on the spot, I was so scared I jumped away~~ I immediately pulled her away~~ Hey! I’m most afraid of snakes! Luckily, the “snake” that Huang Xiaoqing stepped on was crawling very slowly, very slowly… It kept curling and curling on the ground~~ Maybe it’s not a snake~ it’s a fat earthworm!! I asked her what it felt like when she stepped on it, because it looked like a branch~, she said it was soft, like something was moving under her foot! Such a strange feeling~~ Yuck!! So disgusting~~!………… So chilling~~! Then, before we could calm down~~ we saw an earthworm on the left, an earthworm on the right, all colors! And in front… They looked like branch frames! If you’re not careful, your foot might leave their corpses~~~ We two jumped left, jumped right, kept screaming~~ If someone saw us at that time, they would definitely think we’re crazy!! Really! On that straight school road outside Nanhai College, we saw many earthworms! On this dark and windy night, plus the weather just after the rain, it’s the perfect time for these animals to come out!! In the future, in this kind of weather, don’t go back to the dormitory too late! Don’t walk where there are trees~~! I know boys are not afraid~ but girls, be careful!! Dozens of earthworms crawling on the ground~~ really scary~~! Now, think back, or be careful in the future, the “branch” you step on might be an “earthworm”, “snake”!! Be careful~~~~ That Huang Xiaoqing later said, although it was thrilling, very scary, but very happy~… I’m dizzy, two silly girls almost scared to death~…

15, The future, for you and me, is an unknown. 2008-02-09

Just because it’s an unknown, we have more courage to face everything. Even with only thin wings, we must bravely fly. What if we take the wrong path? Doesn’t life allow for mistakes and regrets? The path is walked by oneself, even if it’s wrong, one must bear it oneself… But why? Why is there always someone who tells me in advance what my future will be like…? Those so-called “experts”, who take the initiative to tell others what will happen in the future, how to guard against it, think they are helping others, thinking they play an important role in others’ lives. One after another, over and over again, you have to be grateful for their clever words and good intentions. Even if you guessed right? So what? Are you God? Can you predict the entire future of a person? You, what right do you have to tell me my shortcomings in front of me, what qualifications do you have to ask me to be completely honest with you? I’m not afraid of being seen through! I’d rather, I’d rather not have them, even if the mistake is irreparable. It’s because of you people, freedom is getting farther and farther away from me, the walls are getting higher and higher, trust? Even more impossible to talk about, from childhood to now… What’s more heartbreaking is, it makes the people I care about full of worry and confusion about me. I don’t like the feeling of alarmism! Why set boundaries for others’ futures, why spell out all the luck and misfortune? What’s the point of such a predictable life, letting you walk through it safely? Do you think this is helping others? And I seem to have been defeated by them, should I believe their words, or believe in myself? Someone said, when you are full of confusion about your next step and don’t know how to go, just follow your heart, go with your feelings, go wherever it takes you… I also want to have this kind of opportunity… If I meet those people again, a pious heart will definitely not be there… I hate them, and I hate myself even more, why is it like this?
Once again, it makes you miss

16, Military Training Notes 2007-10-02

Although, as soon as school started, there was a small episode of military training, but I found that time always flies so fast in school, now, I can sit here again, doing the same thing… Perhaps it cannot be denied that, military training is really hard, I have already turned into a piece of charcoal, sigh******* but this is the last military training I will never forget. The days of interaction with our instructor became the most unforgettable memory. He is really cute! At such a young age, he is a soldier who endures hardships, but that silly smile, that childlike heart, became the most direct description of him by our classmates. Hope the instructor goes well! Coming to university, I thought I could freely manage my own time, but reality told me this thought was wrong. University still requires morning reading, evening self-study, every day has classes, every time after English class there is a pile of homework》》》》sigh~~ or in the future, I will break through the constraints of discipline, becoming a university student who has no intention to study. Hehe, just kidding… Although it’s said so, university gave me a stage to freely perform, as long as you are willing to boldly try. And a series of activities made me feel happy and relaxed, the versatile classmates made me feel even more admiration. In this north campus with nowhere to go within a radius of hundreds of miles, I gradually, slowly discovered another side under its coat.

17, Give It a Try 2007-08-24

Perhaps it’s a matter of trust, that’s why I dared to try once…… 1. Being namedTen people are required to write down the answers to all the questions in their QQ space. Then, remove the first question and add my question, still forming ten questions, and pass them on to ten other people. Also, list the names of the ten people who need to answer the questions, and leave a message on their QQ or QQ space to notify them—they have been tagged. Those who are tagged cannot refuse to answer the questions. Those who complete the game will receive everyone’s blessings forever. 2. These ten people must indicate in their QQ space where they received the questions and then come up with a new question to pass on to ten other people, ensuring the game continues without passing it back. Those who are tagged will receive everyone’s blessings, and their beautiful wishes will soon come true. I was tagged by Chen Tingting. Although it’s quite boring, since it’s her blessing, I’ll give it a try. Thank you for her blessing! I also want to pass this blessing on to you all! 1. Can you occasionally think of me? Of course, I can! 2. What is your imagined first love like? I haven’t imagined it; I’ve just watched a lot of TV dramas. 3. What is your ideal home like? A home where everyone is healthy and understands each other. 4. Which country do you most want to travel to? Paris, France. 5. What is your biggest dream (goal, wish) after entering university? To make a lot of friends. 6. What is your biggest regret? Not getting into my dream university. 7. Briefly describe a beautiful memory! Traveling to Hainan with my cousins. 8. What do you want to do after finishing your studies? To work hard at a job I’m interested in. 9. Which card is best to use at university? Is the one you’re using now still usable? I use China Mobile, and the one I’m using now is still usable. 10. Are we friends? If so, let’s gather some people to play a game of soccer (if you’re a girl, gather some people to be cheerleaders). When? ★Hahaha~~ I’ve finished answering my questions, now it’s my turn to ask! My question is: Before going back to school, what is the one thing you most want to say to your best friend? 〓〓Congratulations to the friends I’ve tagged below. Hehe〓〓 SFT Tongtong Ying Ayun Peng~ Dayu AMON Ru Donggu Hui

18, Miscellaneous 2007

Always fantasizing in my heart, making up lies that make me laugh and can turn the situation around. But reality is real, it’s cruel, it turns your lies into jokes, and you have no choice but to believe, accept, and wake up from the tears. Actually, time is gradually approaching that unchangeable result, so why still hold onto fantasies? Is the result really that cruel? Is this a sign of what’s to come? You can still paint a layer of gold over the gray! No matter what the final result is, it cannot be changed, but the heart that bears it can change, the heart that rewrites can rise again~~~~~
Why is it like this? Unacceptable, unbelievable. But reason tells me it’s so ridiculous. When standing at the fork in the road, facing these two choices, it’s hard to start…… Several turns, several journeys, how many times have I begged…… Originally, originally the matter has been decided, is the only choice right or wrong? But the surrounding voices calm me down, pull me out of the chaos, and make me think slowly…… At least I understand the principle of overestimating oneself and blindly ignoring the consequences. Although I have walked many circles and am nearing the end, deep inside I am still shouting, if I encounter a distant wind, what should I do? The faint taste, so unlike…….

19, If I Could See 2012-3-14

【If I could see, I could easily distinguish day from night, I could accurately hold your hand in the crowd. If I could see, I could drive you around, I could surprise you with a hug from behind. If I could see, life might be completely different, maybe what I want, what I like, what I love, would all be different. The black before my eyes is not black, the white you speak of, what white is it? The sky blue people talk about, is it the blue sky behind the white clouds in my memory? I look at your face, but can only see a void, did God put a curtain before my eyes and forget to lift it? You are my eyes, leading me through the changing seasons, you are my eyes, leading me through the crowded streets, you are my eyes, leading me through the vast sea of books, because you are my eyes, letting me see the world before me】
Always, always, still always…… never stopping, actually I’m not afraid of being tired BUT why did it become like this? Waiting, always waiting…… I want to see the big smile on your face and laugh with you…… Still can’t wait.
Just like a dream, so fast. I have so many words I haven’t ever said. I hate my willfulness, I hate my stubbornness, I hate my lack of perseverance, I hate that I can’t multitask well.
That moment, all my gains and losses no longer mattered, my mind was full of you but I know I still let you down.
DO you know? Because of you, I started multitasking, although not well, but there was progress. Because of you, I learned to bear with a smile, to face everything with a smile, originally a smile wasn’t just for joy, but also for acceptance. Because of you, I remained optimistic about the future, holding onto hope, despite facing blow after blow, despite having my pride worn away, despite the naive, ever-believing-in-beauty me, no longer being.
Originally hated 2011, looking forward to 2012 or actually not hating 2011, using 2011 as a sacrifice for 2012. But now, the starting point of 2012 is not what I wanted, can’t stand it, can’t get used to it? Really hate it? Don’t know, what feelings, don’t know. No feelings, is it because it’s too painful?
Some say, things will reverse at their extreme, spring will surely come. I say, not necessarily… it’s up to people.
Some say, the brave have no fear, charge forward without hesitation. I think, is that still human? Just having fears, yet still moving forward. Before, my pride, my self-esteem, my luck, even if gone, I knew I still had you. Now, I know you are in my heart. Those fragments, those memories, every time I recall, every time I think of you. Love you so much, really. DO you know? I remember that terribly cold winter in 2011—— Because of you, I surmounted all the cold black night alone; because of you, I forgot the dissatisfaction and sadness in daily life; because of you, I stuck to my ultimate goal and kept persistent on the way which I pursue my dream; and because of you, I learned to smile to all the adversity that I was confronted with. IT’S you who let me understand what is perseverance and what is a calm heart to the challenge and even the most enemy who is myself those days. I need nothing but you! Instead, I’d like to be suffered from all the pain. And I want to embrace the sunshine with you…………..BUT, now, now, now, I know I cannot do it with you.
I will remember all words I told you in that moment, I swear. I will be the one you want, I swear. I love you so much. I am strong because you are always here forever, just like never gone.
DO you know? YOU raise me up, to more than I can be.