Some say, “It takes 21 days to change a habit.” While the number may not hold up under scrutiny, it does represent a trend. Through deliberate acceptance or abandonment over a period of time, forming or changing a habit becomes a natural progression.
Developing a habit of regularly blogging started around my sophomore year, but by July of this year, it seemed to come to an abrupt halt. What I once thought was the most unlikely habit to abandon has, along with that dreaded judicial exam, become a thing of the past.
It has been five months since I joined the court in June, excluding the first month, which was spent in a frenzy bidding farewell to university life. The following three months were entirely devoted to exam preparation.
In just these short three months, the changes in my habits have made the current me quite uncomfortable.
First, there’s the detachment from the internet;
With an endless and unpredictable workload, coupled with nightly exam preparations, a necessary compromise was to partially abandon the internet. Activities like blogging, tweeting, and replying to forum posts, which were staples during my university days, have lost their initial passion, desire, and sense of satisfaction after this period of unintentional estrangement. What remains is an overwhelming fear of future life and work. I used to enjoy discovering various genres and new music online with Xiami, but now I prefer using my iPod, rarely updating my playlist. My phone, once an inseparable companion with a GPRS data plan of 100MB/month that was never enough, now lies untouched on my desk, with data usage barely registering on my bill. I used to constantly switch between SSH and Direct Connection, but now I realize it’s been a long time since I’ve seen the world beyond the wall. I used to delve into outrageous online events and write lengthy critiques, but now I don’t even feel like commenting on issues closely related to Foshan’s judiciary, such as the case of Little Yueyue.
Second, there’s the change in lifestyle;
Although I still go to bed after 12, the daily grind has taught me that I must get up by 7:30 AM, or else I’ll miss the free breakfast at work and risk being labeled as late. To better prepare for the exam, since late June, I’ve been sleeping in the office on a folding bed left by a departing colleague, for over two months. Exercise was obviously out of the question, which has led to my current predicament of needing a longer belt. I used to complain about the 400-500 meters from the dorm to the school canteen, opting instead to stock up on instant noodles for a week. Now, even if I’m not hungry, I’ll go out of my way to find a decent and hygienic restaurant over a kilometer away. I used to rarely smoke or drink, and while I still don’t drink much, I occasionally light a cigarette to seek a sense of aimlessness and ignorance. I used to delete movie files and even memories right after watching, but now I carry a large-capacity hard drive between my dorm and office, constantly thinking about movie plots and even dreaming about them. I used to find my right hand inseparable from the mouse and my left from the WASD keys, but now both hands seem to be most attached to the TrackPoint.
Third, and perhaps most significant, is the change in my entire mindset;
After all, I’m no longer a student. I now bear the responsibility for my own survival and development. The path ahead, which I haphazardly chose, has become very narrow.
If I were still in my first, second, or even third year of university, I might still be able to make bold declarations, and perhaps even achieve some grand plan or goal if I felt like it. But now, I’ve been pushed into a very awkward position, with the only path forward seemingly being that of a civil servant. In this situation, any plans or ideas are just talk. The focus now is to work diligently at my current job, pay off past debts as soon as possible, continue to develop professionally, and seize every opportunity to take the civil service exam in the future.
There’s less aimless daydreaming and more down-to-earth actions, which may represent the trend for a long time to come. Perhaps, this is also a brand new habit.